


Raised in Rank

by AmateurGrandma



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2020-10-10 05:48:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20522942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmateurGrandma/pseuds/AmateurGrandma
Summary: Lilisara Stormorin, who had been raised up with in the Aldermi Dominion, was rising within the ranks of the Thalmor becoming the personal assistant to the First Emissary. It was all she ever knew or wanted, until one night when she heard some unfamiliar music, a song that spoke to some other part within her. If she were missing out on music like this, what else could she be missing?





	1. Chapter 1

I am Lilisara Stormorin. I have no knowledge of my parentage even if my plain appearance suggests I am purely from some good Altmer stock, nor do I have any vague memories that were not within the realm of the Aldmeri Dominion. I have no recollection of having any siblings, only those that I would consider to be my sisters. I have no idea if any of us were actually blood related, but we lived in a humble home where we all slept, learned and ate together. Mostly, I remember how in awe we all were when a tall woman with glowing white hair, shining gold and silver armor arrived. If we smiled at her, she would sneer. It was difficult not to smile at someone so beautiful. I wanted so badly to have her favor, and being the ‘observant one’, I learned early on to make my face into a mask. 

One day came when we were told we would graduate to the next campus after a final test. By this point we all had learned showing emotion is weakness. Elation. Fear. Defeat. Anger. Contempt. Disappointment. Happiness. Sadness. Well, not everyone. A few just could not hold back – the test of pain causing the highest rate of attrition. The final test was fairly simple, but remember we were children – very young children. Children have this innocent quality that allows them to believe anything by any trusted adult. So when the tall woman returned she simply gathered us together, our teachers and staff as well. She didn’t say a word until we were all sat down, quiet, then she told a simple joke any child would find funny. Silly actually. Then she did something completely unexpected. She laughed. It was a shock, to be sure. Within seconds, she changed moods, narrowing her eyes as she looked around at all of us then pointed out some of us, including myself. I held my mask tight as I was directed to leave the group to another room. A half hour later the tall woman joined the few of us she had singled out. “Congratulations. You’ve graduated.” After that time, I never again saw any of the girls that were left behind. 

The next ‘house’ was a much larger mansion, where we were two to a bedroom, and there were twenty of us all together here. Only six of us were from the same house. This was when we learned that there were other houses. Living quarters were on the uppermost floor while the lower floors served for the classrooms, dining and further study. Here we were given robes which designated our area of specialty. Until this point, I had no hard interest in any specific area, but observation seemed to be something I did often. Being this was the case, there was only one school of magic I found myself drawn to. Illusion magic. However, we all had to learn all areas of not just magic, but also alchemy and some weaponry. All Altmer must be knowledgeable in all areas, and this also included Altmer and Aldmeri customs. Of course we were also encouraged to develop some other artistic abilities as well. 

After six years, six girls left the campus before the remaining fourteen of us graduated to the next level. One actually had superior artistic abilities, catching the eye of a high ranking officer and so she left to continue her works under his patronage. Two girls actually died. Accidental deaths, of course. Another actually ran off and no one had heard or seen of her again that I was ever aware. I don’t even know if anyone went searching for her. We just awoke to a commotion of staff searching every room, then reporting the girl was simply gone. Nothing more of her disappearance was mentioned again. The final two girls were pulled from their classes during lessons by the tall woman, and again nothing more was mentioned of them after that day, nor did we ever see them again. 

The next campus was as large as before, but a much newer construction since it also included indoor water. In the past we were escorted to a nearby spring for our bathing needs, so this was a grand experience! To be able to sit in a large pool of warm water, steaming with floral scents… Absolutely delightful! Again we had to integrate with other girls from other houses. How many houses were there? In this house, we would stay for ten years until the final test for graduation. I was 26 years of age at this time. From this point we’d get our junior assignments, internships, in the areas in which we specialized. My powers of observation, discerning the very subtle changes in a person’s face – changes in skin color, pupil size, eye movement, hand movements, breathing – I was designated to continue my education then assignment to Thalmor Embassy in Skyrim. 

The evening before I was to leave for the embassy was almost my first sexual experience. Well, not truly an ‘experience’, but more of an observation. I knew of intercourse, its purpose. Procreation. I was also aware that many have insinuating it as a pleasurable experience. By this age I had touched myself, but not so extensively, and of course more than just for washing up. I didn’t feel that I was holding on to my virginity as something I held precious, but I honestly didn’t think much of it. Until this night when I was roused from a deep sleep to the sound of heavy breathing followed by muffled grunts. My first thought was that one of my sisters were ill, so I went to investigate. I moved silently as to not wake or alarm any others. Earlier in the day a few of us were experimenting with some odd ingredients. I had taken a small vial of healing potion with me as I crept towards the sounds from the bathing room. The breathing sounds came faster, and a groan. My body started to feel flush before I could come around the corner. A rapid soft slapping sound made me crouch down as I peered around the way. There I froze. I watched wide eyed as a man was atop a woman, her legs spread wide with him pressed between. I watched his backside move fast, the cause of the slapping sound. They were both breathing harder, he groaned as she moaned. He then pushed harder into her and I could hear the woman whisper between breaths, “Not yet. Not yet.” I had no idea what that mean, but he stopped, then moved slow. I suspected they kissed since I could not actually see their faces from the angle of my position. They rolled over, so now she was on top. I recognized the hair color – white. I dared not move a single muscle at this point. I watched as she positioned herself on top, and I caught a glimpse of glistening male shaft as she straddled over him, then pushed herself down onto him. I watched her body, her rolling hips as she pushed down then back and up, around until she was riding on him like a fast horse. His one hand gripped her hip, the other I could not see. I could see his feet get tense, knees bend. I could feel his tension, and that’s when I noticed I had slipped my own hand down to my own dampness. I’d been massaging myself. I felt I was stepped out onto the end of a cliff, and I felt my own breath quicken as I watched her lean forward over him, raising her hips and then down again over and over, each with such force until both of his hands gripped her hips and pulled her down, holding her there. His legs twitched and I could see her body spasm as well. She collapsed atop him and that’s when I knew I had to find a private space. I had to finish what I started on myself or I wouldn’t have any rest. I couldn’t start the next day without sleep. When I’d found a closet, I brought myself to my first real orgasm. Twice. I couldn’t get their image out of my head.

My next ‘home’ was in Skyrim, but not yet the embassy. My study here was more to learn the customs of Skyrim’s natives, and to acclimate to the colder climate of the province. Most of our education was about the Nord culture, and some history of the Ancient Nords themselves. I had little interest in any of this, but it would be necessary that I at least be somewhat familiar for when I would be delivered to the embassy. Myself and two others from the last house attended this special learning place, joined by three males. At this time in my life I was aware that there must be similar ‘houses’ for our male counterparts, but until this time we had never been comingled under a single roof. Again, sex was the furthest thing on my mind and I was only interested in the cross training, education we could exchange. We were really all taught the same things, the same way, in all areas? This is what I was most interested in. 

As it is well known, we live very long natural lives. Even longer with the application of magic. So being nearly 30 years of age, we were still considered quite young, and for the most part due to our living in such sheltered conditions, we were also quite naïve and inexperienced. One of the young male students caught my attention by pointing out that my eye color was off. My first thought – I was enraged he should so boldly point out a flaw. Flaw. I had a flaw. This one small incident ate at me mentally. Any possible thoughts of touching any of them closed off. I didn’t even touch myself during these days, and I became a living mannequin of stone. I was there to learn, integrate and move on. Thankfully I wasn’t required to stay there long. Before the year was out, I had been relocated to the embassy. 

My arrival at the Thalmor Embassy was mostly uneventful. I was not alone in this assignment, as one of the other young men were also assigned. Thankfully it was not the one who so boldly named my flaw. We were settled into this cold place in a few days and soon fell into our prospective duties and routines. I was to personally served Elenwen. I took notes, wrote letters, arranged meetings, filed correspondences, and soon I found myself faded, no longer an individual, but as only an extension of the First Emissary herself. There were a few circumstances where she’d given me explicit authority to approve some of the orders to flush out Talos worshippers in various locations. She gave orders that she should not have to be bothered with any petty of these types of petty issues. If an Agent or Justicar insisted in pressing these petty matters to the First Emissary, they were swiftly met with her disapproval, often being told they needn’t bother her with these petty matters. I’d been groomed for this. I no longer thought of those we sought to flush out as people, or even cattle. They were only things that had to be dealt with. I’d become numb and removed enough from these things that I had no comprehension of what the consequences of those orders would be. 

Then came an evening when Elenwen decided to host a gathering. A few Nord men had been coming and going leading up to this event. While I kept my head straight, following my directives with precise actions as always, I could not help but to be fascinated by these men. The way they talked. How they regarded each other, and how they laughed and smiled. But, it was when one of them brought out a lute then started to strum and sing a soft song that I really opened my eyes, and my ears. I’d heard music before, usually the same songs from Summerset Isles, songs of little substance since they’d been sung so often their meanings were lost on me. This one I’d heard was of emotions, love and loss, and it filled me. I felt my heart actually skipping beats. My isolated life had kept this from me, and that’s when I realized that there had to be more out there. I had to earn more freedom. 

Over the course of another year, I’d earned the full trust of Elenwen to finally step foot off the embassy property. Well, not exactly. Elenwen had encountered a communique from a spy. It was of her opinion, with my urging, that this information must be hand delivered to the Headquarters in Solitude. She agreed, but before she could suggest using one of the regular Thalmor soldiers for the delivery, I offered up myself to make the trek. She agreed as long as I was accompanied. While we were in this discussion, the male who had arrived with me, I learned his name was Trenil Granthar, approached. He offered to accompany me to Solitude, as we could both use the experience for ourselves. Separately, we would be easy target. Together, even as inexperienced as we were, we shouldn’t have any troubles. It seemed reasonable. Elenwen thought on it almost too long. While I would have preferred to go alone, not having a Thalmor soldier or agent at my back for a time would be pleasant. She finally nodded, “Agreed. This is only to deliver the documents and that is all. If you must remain for the night, it will be only within the walls of the Headquarters. Nowhere else. This is a strict order. Solitude isn’t that far. It shouldn’t be necessary to take a mount. You will leave as the sun rises in the morning.” Trenil quickly turned, exiting the room. I wasn’t far behind him, catching up to him in the reception hall. 

“Thank you.” I said to him as I caught up.

He turned briefly towards me, “Quite welcome.” He simply said then continued on his way. I watched him walking away, his strides full of purpose with his black robes sweeping along with him. In that moment, as single memory flooded my mind. While I do know for certain that the man our mentor was with that night so many years before was not him, I somehow made some odd connection. Why did I do that? What about him walking away like this made me think of that night? For the first time in many years, I forgot what I was to set about doing. My mind floundered and fluttered, then I snapped back into myself before moving off. 

On a bright sunny, crisp and cold morning, I finally set foot outside the gates. Of course I was not alone, but I was not shadowed by a soldier or agent for the first time since setting foot on that cold soil. I felt like I could actually breathe a little better. I needed this bit of independence, show that I was fully capable of interacting with the rest of the world outside of the Dominion and Thalmor. 

As we walked along, I tried my hand at small talk. Chit chat, as they called it. Of course, the only person I had to practice on was this guy, who also was working on his ranking for Justiciar. I asked a question, he gave a direct and limited response. I made the ‘Hmph’ sound a few times, which was supposed to elicit the respondent to elaborate. No such luck there. I tried again to get him to elaborate on simple items, such as which color appealed to him most. “Green,” he said. I asked which shade, or why. “Dark green. Swamp grass.” was all he said. I had to finally give up this simple word game long before we finally reached the main gate into Solitude. A guard posted outside only nodded towards us and allowed us entry since we were dressed in the traditional black robes. At least Trenil was something of a gentleman and allowed me to enter first. 

As soon as I stepped inside the large gate, I saw a gathering crowd to my right. Imperial soldiers stood on a staging area with a man in rags with a hood over his head, and the headsman standing by. It was an execution. I swallowed. I’d never actually witnessed death myself, even though I’d ordered plenty of it. I pulled in a breath, took an attentive posture to watch and take in all the details as I could. Trenil did the same, standing a few feet behind me. I listened to the crowd still gathering, then the decree of death from the captain listing the man’s crime. The condemned man shouted out that he was innocent. He killed the high king in some old Nord custom. Regardless, he killed the High King. If he had killed a beggar on the street, no one would have bat an eye. The headman did his job, a few cheered, others cried. Soon the crowd dispersed and I found a few eyes staring at me. Realizing that I wasn’t entirely welcome in this scene, I went on my way towards the Headquarters near the Castle Dour. Again, Trenil wordlessly followed along.

I guess I expected more of the Headquarters, but it was sufficient for the purpose it served. It certainly was not as large as the embassy. I was met by Third Emissary to the Thalmor, a inquisitor wizard named Rundilin. “You’re late. The runner last night told us to expect your arrival sooner.” He snipped as he poured wine into a silver goblet. “You may as well make yourselves comfortable. I’ve received word that Agent Riis will be joining us later. He wishes to meet with both of you.” Rundilin said then gestured towards a cushioned bench. I looked around, realizing the furnishing of this place was rather expensive. Typical of the Aldmeri Dominion, and its Thalmor. I nodded then moved towards the seat. “If you wish to have a drink, or anything to eat, please help yourself.” He added, then took his own seat closer to the side of the fireplace. 

I glanced over to the tray of bread and cheeses, opting only for a bit of drink instead even if my mouth watered. Trenil took up a slice of cheese and a goblet of red wine. Before I’d left the embassy, I’d only had a small slice of toast. Hopefully this evening’s meeting would include an actual meal. “Thank you for your hospitality.” I said then took a seat. I could feel Rundilin’s eyes study me, my movements, mannerisms, the way I spoke as we made small talk while we waited for Agent Riis. 

Rundilin then held out his hand, “Riis is typically late. So I suppose your tardiness isn’t that much of a bother. I hope your travel went well.”

Trenil swallowed and nodded. “Well enough. I’m still acclimating to the cold this far north, but it was uneventful. Thank you.” I think I was astonished Trenil said anything at this point, and the smoothness of his voice… I hid my amazement. This from a man who would only grunt out one or two word responses to simple questions. I hoped my mask stayed firm. 

The entire energy of the room shifted when Agent Riis finally arrived. I didn’t know anything about this Thalmor agent, but only that he had far more superiority over Rundilin, and it seemed Rundilin had some resentment about it. He’d become more stiff, not that he was in anyway ‘relaxed’. Thalmor did not relax, unless you were a Justicar with some greater measure of authority. This wasn’t new to me either. I’d attended enough meetings by Elenwen’s side to be very familiar with this. My years of training and conditioning for this circumstance directed me. It was as easy as breathing. 

Until Riis smiled. Yes, smiled. Not whole mouth, teeth showing, but just a hint at the corners of his mouth. I did my best not to show any reaction to this, as I’d been conditioned for all my life, but this was unusual. I glanced over to Trenil, who remained indifferent. He either didn’t see the subtlety or simply ignored it. Riis was going on about some music he’d heard while aboard ship coming from Hammerfell. Rundilin didn’t seem so amused, but allowed the higher ranking man to continue his story. I thought he’d been possessed by a Nord ghost the way he spoke, all the inflection. He finally finished his story then the true meeting began. His mannerisms returning him back into Altmer of the Aldmeri Dominion, an officer of the Thalmor. 

“There were more Talos worshipers found in Winterhold again. I thought they’d been rooted out before?” Riis asked Rundilin. I knew that they had been. I’d authorized the action. Still the question was not put to me, so I remained silent, hoping Rundilin would reply correctly. 

“They knew we were coming. By the time we arrived, there was no evidence. However, we did feel that there was one family that held information. We’ve procured them in a safe location.” Rundilin said, his voice sounding bored. I knew of the order, but I did not know of the result. It was not unusual to not receive outcome reporting of many of these petty raids, only if something significant came of it. Trenil refilled his goblet, his eyes going back to the cheese tray. 

Riis seemed to be in thought for a moment, sipping at his cup. After some significant silence, he finally spoke. “Good. Well, I’ve made arrangement for your stay tonight at the Blue Palace. Once you arrive, please have the service send the prepared meal I’d requested. They were aware of my arrival.” He then stood stepping towards the door, motioning with one hand. “You may go now.” His voice held the true authority for which he held. I had to drop my head a bit to hide my eyes, which I knew would give me away. Rundilin seemed surprised by this turn of plans, slightly hesitant to get to his feet. “Thank you for your service. I’ll send word when you may return.”

Just like that Rundilin was ousted from the Headquarters. I remained still and seated, Trenil chewing cheese. However, I was prepared to move quickly, without hesitation once he also gave me orders to vacate, but that didn’t happen. “You can breathe now.” He said with a melody, then brought over a bottle of chilled wine to join me by the fireplace. “Ah, I love my authority. Especially over superfluous runts like him.” He poured wine into a cup then handed it to me. “Tell me, do you speak or are you mute? The Almeris does not allow defectiveness to survive. What is your name?” He seemed to be completely disregarding Trenil who remained seated, drinking deep from the goblet. 

I allowed the corner of my mouth curve, as I watched him behave the exact opposite that I believed an officer should behave. “Lilisara Stormorin.” I said then took a long drink of the cold wine. It tasted even better when it was this chilled. “I’m clearly not mute, but I only speak when speech is necessary.” From the periphery of my view, I could see Trenil sit up a bit straighter than set his goblet down. He was no longer chewing. 

“I see. You must’ve been a top student. Personal assistant to the First Emissary, from what I know of you.” He said, then popped a grape into his mouth. He briefly acknowledged Trenil’s presence before he nudged a bowl towards me from the low table between us. I shook my head. I’d wait for the meal, where I knew I’d only eat as much as I should. “They’re very tasty. Sweet. Like a candy. Have some.”

I started to reach out, but then changed direction by pretending to straighten my robe. This must be a test. No Thalmor Agent, Justicar or any other member of the Aldmeri Dominion ever behaved in such a way. I caught his gaze and saw his eyes looking right into mine. “Suit yourself.” He picked the bowl up, gestured it towards Trenil, “You’re welcome to have some as well.” He said. Trenil shook his head, so Riis set it back down again. “You both are scheduled to stay the night here. Is this correct?” he asked. I only nodded. “Good, good. “Do you enjoy the Embassy?” he went on to ask, then about another dozen such questions. None were of any personal nature, and I gave no answers that would cause myself, or Elenwen, any embarrassment. Trenil gave his simple one or two word responses, only elaborating as necessary. 

Our meal came, and he directed its set up. Within minutes the women left, and the three of us were alone once more. The food was still surprisingly hot as we took seats at the table. He pointed out the various dishes, offered sliced bread and again poured chilled wine, all the while giving details of foods we were about to eat. He seemed to be quite knowledgeable about cooking. We were about halfway through the meal, when his tone changed. “I have a proposition, but it all depends on how truthful you can really be.” I nearly choked on my potato. “I will warn you, I can read the truth in people, and I’m never wrong.” There were a few of those in the higher ranks who were infamous for their abilities to see lies and truths. Trenil sat back in his chair, his plate cleared of all that was on it. I still had half of everything remaining, and couldn’t eat a bite more. 

I shifted in my seat, setting down my cutlery. I’ve been trained for this as well. Remain calm, numb, remain still. I waited for his question. “No, not like that.” He said then used his finger to lift my chin, turning my face so I had no choice but to see him eye to eye. “I know the regimen. You’ve obviously been trained very well, but this isn’t the time for it. Do you like being within the ranks?” he asked. Regardless of what he said, I stuck to what I knew from my training, trying to keep any emotion at bay. I was never unhappy in my life, but I knew there was more to it. I knew the first time I’d heard music, that something stirred me. Had to be, or I wouldn’t have tried so hard to step outside those gates. I didn’t have to say a word. “Ah, as I thought. Then I was right.” He let my face go then leaned back in his chair. “We’ve met before, you know.”

At this time, Trenil was stiff. I could feel the tension within him as he watched this exchange. Ah, so he was also an observant one. I could feel my mine sigh, and my pulse started to slow again. Still, Trenil said nothing, but remained tense. 

At this my head snapped up, and I met his gaze again. “We have?” I tried to filter through memories of the many meetings and conferences held by Elenwen, trying to find him in them. 

“Yes, we have. It was about five years ago. Not too long after the First Emissary had taken her residence at the Embassy here in Skyrim. It was a very brief meeting. I’d seen you fidget, only slightly. I was actually quite amused that no one else seemed to notice.” 

Trenil stood, moved towards me. “I remember you.” He said, his voice startled me for a moment. “I thought you looked familiar, the sound of your voice. You provided insight into the situation of the worshippers in Markarth, did you not?” This obviously had Riis’ attention as he leaned back in his own chair, arms folded across his chest. A deliberate move. He’s either unconscious of the movement, meaning he was hiding something; or he did it purposely to give us the impression he was withholding. I could see a very subtle change in his coloring, and the moistness of his teeth. It was certainly of the former. I wasn’t sure if Trenil picked up on the same. 

My mind found the memory, and I realized I had indeed had seen him before, but we had not been formally introduced. “I had a cut on my arm. The healing was making it itch.” I said almost as in a daze. I stood behind the Thalmor guards that were accompanying Elenwen that day. It would have been very hard for anyone to have noticed me. “I remember now.”

Riis pulled on a broad smile, showing perfect teeth and his face became so open and friendly, his arms still crossed but not as tightly. “Good, honesty is always best with me. Now, be honest again. How would you like a change in position? Something that would get you out in the world? Have more experiences?”

While it may have seemed a great proposition, and sure I would have loved to have such an opportunity, but I could not get over that he was clearly holding back something. Trenil stood firm near me, possibly to help defend me if need arose. I decided to ‘play along’. I allowed my face to crack, letting a corner of my mouth curve, lowered my mask just enough. “I might be interested. What did you have in mind?” I said with a different tone. Trenil shifted his position behind me then made a slow retreat to his own chair again. I was sure he wanted to check my own features. 

Riis then leaned forward and took on a more serious expression. “I help those who wish to abandon the Dominion.”

My heart stopped beating. A hard lump formed in my throat. Was this really a test? If I agreed, would I be executed like those Talos worshippers? If I didn’t agree, would he blackball me for the remainder of my career, my life? If I said yes… “I’m sorry, but I think…”

“Go on,” Trenil whispered towards Riis. His own eyes had nearly glazed over, like the sweet wine he’d been drinking had taken some kind of effect. I saw his own lips curved, and his posture relaxed, elbow on the table now. “Between us three and the walls. Tell us.”

“If you cannot be truthful, then we have nothing more to say. I will simply imply I wanted an evening alone with you for my own purposes and then send you back in the morning.” His voice became hard, his back straightened as he addressed me. Then towards Trenil, “You on the other hand, I will simply kill. You serve no purpose to me. I will declare it was self-defense. No one will question it. Not even Elenwen.”

I swallowed. I was starting to think fast. Elenwen needed to know about this man. If he indeed was helping our opposition, he had to be brought to justice. Or was he still only testing us? I rolled the dice, it was time to actually speak up for myself. “I want to see the world, experience things. I’ve been trapped within a prison and never knew anything other than its stone walls. Surrounded by those who drape themselves in self-importance. I need out.” The words just flowed from my lips, as if I had rehearsed them a hundred times over. Trenil chuckled, then emptied another goblet. 

Riis reached out and took my hand in his. “Precisely as expected!” he exclaimed, squeezed my fingers then let it go. “Precisely right. Now, I need your help.” 


	2. Chapter 2

I didn’t see the hand, or item, that punched me in the face. Only that when Riis finally let go of my fingers, I tried to turn to see Trenil. Everything went dark. I have a very vague memory of hearing men talking, feeling someone lifting me then being dropped onto a pile of straw, or fur? I felt someone next to me. I tried to move, but my bones felt like they were on fire. I heard a whimpering sound, male. Trenil? What have they done…? Again, darkness for an undetermined amount of time until I felt myself coming more awake. I managed to finally open my eyes and turn my head. I could see the familiar short crop of hair next to me. Trenil! I watched his body, holding my own breath as I waited to see the steady rise and fall of his breathing. I let my head fall back again, and once again I fell into a slumber. 

“Lilisara.” I heard a whisper in the dark. “Lilisara. Are you awake?” Trenil moved towards me, although I couldn’t see much. I could hear water dripping somewhere, and the straw under me as I struggled to sit up. “Are you in pain?” he asked as he drew close to me, lighting a ball within his hand and holding it up. 

“I think… I’m ok. It’s not bad.” I said softly, tasting blood in my mouth then brought my palm up against the right side of my face. I could feel it swollen and felt horribly bruised. I didn’t want him to see me like this. Then I felt silly for this thought. “My face. It’s swollen.” I whispered back. 

“Here. Let me see.” Trenil said the moved in front of me with his light. “That does look painful. Let me see if I can help.” With his other hand, he pulled energy into a healing glow then brought it carefully to my face. I felt the warmth, the sudden itch of healing and then the pain subsided more. He studied the right side of my face, then again applied the healing spell. “That should help for now.”

“Have you any idea where we are?” I asked then tried to get to my feet. My head throbbed, felt like I was spinning, so I sat back down again. “Damn that hurt!” I hissed at the pain. 

Trenil put a hand on my shoulder. “No. Well, I have an idea, but I can’t be certain. I think we are in the prison cells below the Headquarters. At times I could hear people above us, official sounding. I couldn’t make out exactly what they were saying, but I could sense the tones were official.” He said then touched my hand. “I’m sorry. I should have sensed this coming. I didn’t. I failed.” 

I was stunned. Not so much now by the pain coming from my head, but from his words and how he said them. A genuine apology. “This is not your fault. I should have stopped. I shouldn’t have tried to play into him. I thought if we had him on a hook….” I looked up into his face, he still had his light on. I felt something else just then. That damn memory. He tilted his head towards me to continue what I was saying. “I thought we’d expose him for being a snake. He was clearly trying to set us up.” 

Trenil sat back on his feet. “You are correct. He is a snake. He poisoned the wine. By the time I saw someone step from the shadows from behind him, it was too late. I think my head fell into my plate before they hit you.” He shook his head. “As I said, I’m sorry I didn’t see it.” 

Trenil moved away, leaning his back against one of the walls. I lit another light, flinging it to the ceiling to stick there. “I’m fairly certain someone will be coming down for us rather soon.” He said, exhaling deeply. I sat cross-legged on the mound of straw, tucking my robes around to keep warm. “The last bit of voices were definitely raised, one of them female. Still, I couldn’t make out what they were discussing.” 

Hours went by, Trenil’s lights would live and then die until we were fine to be just sitting in the dark space without it. We barely spoke or even moved from where we sat. I was beginning to believe we’d be there another night, or day, when we heard a latch, then a door open and a light moving towards use accompanied by footsteps. A porter held a lantern mounted on a pole up high, and then a familiar voice spoke, “Come on, you two. Time to go.” It was Rundilin. 

Trenil and I got to our feet, smoothed our robes. While I was thankful to finally be out of this cell, I was apprehensive of where we were heading to. Rundilin unlocked the cell door, the porter pulled it open. We followed behind them back up to familiar Headquarters above. The sunlight streaming through the windows almost blinding until I blinked a few times more. 

“See? Unharmed.” Riis said as he stood, arms folded tight, with two Justicars and additional Thalmor soldiers. One of the Justicars glared in our direction then motioned for us to join them. 

“Quickly now. Tell us what happened…” The Justicar demanded looking at me, then Trenil. 

“I already told you what happened. Nothing more…” Riis started to get agitated. His voice rising. 

The Justicar’s head snapped to him and he threw up a flat palm, throwing Riis half across the room. “I asked them. When I want you to speak, I will address you.” The Justicar turned towards us again. 

Without hesitation, Trenil spoke up. “We were invited into conversation over a meal. The meal was good, but the top of the conversation provided by Agent Riis was blasphemous to the Thalmor and Aldmeri Dominion’s objectives.”

The Justicar nodded, then brought his attention to me. I straightened more, feeling my familiar concrete mask fit into place once more. “This is true. Elenwen will want to be informed of this immediately. Justice must be served.” I stated, taking a very firm stance. 

Riis coiled. He actually coiled, like a snake. Rundilin and his short porter left the room. “Justice will be served immediately.” The Justicar said. He nodded towards us. “You may leave. Please inform Elenwen.” Before he returned his attention back to Riis, he nodded again towards me. “You may want to see the healer, the alchemist. I think her name is Angeline. Her shop is on the way to the gate.”

Instinctively, I gently touched the right side of my face. It was still very sore. I agreed, then followed Trenil out. As soon as we closed the door we could hear Riis yelling, followed by some very inhuman screams. I let Trenil take the lead, walking only a couple of steps behind him. The alchemist did what she could, even with Trenil’s healing magic combined, it was still very tender and bruised. At least the swelling was gone before we returned to the embassy. 

My entire life had been mapped out, planned out. Every waking moment of every single day. The regimen. How much to eat, when to eat. When I bathed, how long I bathed. When I could relieve myself throughout the day, and even how long that should take. The regimen was rigorous and rigid. It was part of the training, and for most of those who had been plucked out, it was this strict daily regimen that broke them. Not the education, not the physical training, but the daily routine of it. There had been a few times that even I thought I would go absolutely mad, and had even thought I’d forgotten or missed days since each day bled so much into the other. However, once it becomes something that is a part of your blood, it is all you know and therefor all your body knows. 

When we finally stood back at the Embassy gate, taking my last full breath of the freedom I’d tasted, I held my head high. With another Thalmor wizard at our backs and guards that met us on the road, we entered the grounds. Third Emissary Rulindil stood by the steps. He nodded as we approached and he said something that almost brought a smile to my lips, “Welcome home, Lilisara and Trenil.” Home. 

I was given some free time to freshen myself up before I had to go before Elenwen. I made sure to make good use of myself, ensuring I was cleaned and in fresh robes before I made the march down the hall. The wizard stood at the top of the stairs waiting for me. “Please follow me.” He said, without any hints or melody. Why would I need to follow him? Surely I knew this building far better than he. Regardless, I allowed him to lead me down the stairs, through the main room. Trenil was already standing at attention, barely acknowledging my approach.

Elenwen sat at the large desk writing. She set the quill into the ink pot when we arrived then stood. “Welcome, Theril. You may take you leave.” She said to the wizard, but when he didn’t move, her lips went tight. “Is there some reason you remain in my presence?” 

The wizard blinked slowly. “I am not here as a simple escort, First Emissary. My role here is to ensure proper discipline in accordance with our laws.” 

Elenwen’s eyes narrowed on him. I stood stock still. Then I could hear more footsteps echoing across the stone floor towards us. “What discipline? You escorted my most trusted assistants. That was all.” When the Wizard Theril did not move, she huffed. “Please explain.”

Theril turned, glanced at me then Trenil, then saw the waiting guard and soldiers at his call, then faced Elenwen again. “It seems your personal assistants have made a plea and bargained to leave your service. They conspired with Justicar Riis to undermine the Dominion. They both have forfeit their rights under our law. As such, you are also under suspicion of treason as well.” He said, taking small pauses. 

“Treason? I don’t know what you are talking about. Be specific.” Elenwen turned then to me. I could see the tips of her ears becoming red with anger. “Lilisara? What do you know of this?”

I had to act accordingly. “It’s all lies. I went to the Headquarters where I met with Rundilin, where I did hand deliver the correspondences as requested to ensure their security. Justicar Riis arrived later then requested Rundilin to leave, which left myself and Trenil alone with the Justicar.” I then narrowed my eyes, turning toward the accusing wizard. “It was then HE brought up such a proposition to undermine the Aldmeri Dominion and the Thalmor. It’s all nonsense!” 

Elenwen thought for a moment, then turned to Trenil. “You? Anything you want to add?” she asked, and I could see her ears stiffen. 

Trenil stepped forward, and with the most authority in his voice. “Riis was rubbish. He clearly tried to entrap us with some scheme to do his bidding, whatever that bidding was. We were trying to get additional information to report to you when we were… “ Here he stumbled a bit, but recovered, “put out. The wine had been poisoned, and as you can see by her face, she was hit. There were others hiding in the room when that happened. We needed to know who was involved to report back, your Emissary.”

Theril huffed, then pulled out some papers from his robe’s pocket. “I have here a witness statement.” He handed the document over to Elenwen. “There was a housemaid present, she was in the basement, but heard clearly ever word. She wrote it all down.” 

My own ear tips now started to redden, I was angry. A witness statement? 

A familiar voice broke through from behind the waiting guards. “What is going on here? What is this about?” said Rulindil who made his way towards us. 

Elenwen looked up as he approached. “Lilisara and Trenil are being accused of conspiracy.” She growled out. 

“Ridiculous! Lilisara is one of the finest trainees we’ve had in decades, and the most loyal. Trenil has shown wonderful promise to become one of our best wizards. Who makes this accusation?” he demanded, then saw Elenwen’s eyes go to Theril. “You best have some other evidence to support this claim that is not the written words of a paid spy. Especially words of a paid Nord!” 

Theril seemed to deflate, he nodded to the gathered guards. They began to disperse. “Well…” he cleared his throat. “Clearly these were false accusations.” He nodded towards Elenwen. “My apologies.” Then he turned back towards me. “My apologies.” He said again, then swiftly left the building. 

I stood for a moment, waiting to get my queue from Elenwen. “Now that’s been dealt with.” She huffed, then shuffled some paperwork on the desk. “I hope they dealt with this Justicar as well.” I almost laughed. Elenwen gave me a sideways glance. “We’re back to business, but if you have something amusing you’d like to share, Lilisara, please do so.” After all the years I’d been in her service, we knew one another quite well. 

“Riis has been dealt with. He will no longer be a bother.” I said quietly, then added, “to anyone. Ever.” 

Elenwen paused and I could see the small twitch to the corner of her mouth, then she slowly took her seat again. “Good. As it should be.” She moved more paper then carefully aligned all the pages carefully to make neat stacks. “Now, on to our normal business at hand.”

I turned just in time to see Trenil nod, turn then leave the room behind everyone else. Wizard? That would explain his ease of using magic, but those were simple spells. Lights and healing. Of course, I could heal a simple cut, almost. Most could. My drifting thoughts snapped and I returned to here and now with normal business at hand with Elenwen. 

I won’t say that I felt trapped. No, it was my home. The only home and family I’d ever known. While I’d never thought I would have found myself in danger among my own family, or its extended members, I learned two valuable lessons. First – be wary of who you trust, always trust my gut feeling. Second – I had the utmost favor of the First Emissary; I could do no wrong.


	3. Chapter 3

Many believe that we, the Altmer and especially those of us within the Thalmor, are without emotion and cold to the blight of others, often regarded as condescending. I can tell you that it is simply untrue. We have hearts, we just don’t wear them on our sleeves. Emotions drive some to irrational conclusions which often goes directly into even more irrational decisions and actions. One of my earliest memory while I was a very young child, probably age five, is a game of sorts during a class. I watched how some girls who could hold their faces blank were rewarded. However, if they did not maintain that mask once the reward was received, there were consequences – not only was the reward taken back, but the girl was moved back three paces. The object of the game was to see who would hold it the longest. While for us it was a game as children, it became more than that later in life. This is how we dealt with when our classmates were suddenly no longer in attendance with each passing year, making us fewer in number. 

Humans have a much shorter lifespan than we do, but they do manage to cause much havoc in that short life span. Is this because of their lack of control for their emotions? I often wondered. I still wonder. While we can mimic most outward expressions, it does not come so naturally; some of us have more talent for this than others. I think some humans actually can detect this false front on us, and perhaps they know the insincerity there. It’s difficult even now for myself to know if I truly am smiling because something pleases me, or if I’m doing it out of a need for a social norm. And then I feel a heaviness in my chest when I think these things. I’m not sure what it is. 

While First Emissary Elenwen did allow me to rise to the rank of Justicar, I also remained as her personal assistant for some time. Time is another component we either track with absolution, or it slips by us without much notice. In this case, it’s more of the later. Elenwen had indicated that she wished me to ‘see the world’, but that she wanted to ensure a smooth transition of my replacement to her office. I agreed. While there was some part of me that wanted the experience, another part of me wished to remain as I always have. Two winters went by when a new face arrived at the embassy. Her name was Eldoril Aedosin. She reminded me very much of a classmate I’d had some time ago. I think it was just the darker shade of green of her eyes. Of course she was very well educated, as I was when I first found myself in the service of Elenwen, so she would not need much instruction. At the most, it was only the daily, weekly, monthly and seasonal schedules she needed to learn. 

Another few weeks went by, and I found myself being more of just the observer as Eldoril went about the routines, I offering up advice when necessary and directing her where to find various documents, and the various contacts. In our ‘off’ time, we did get to talk a little, but I didn’t actually learn much of anything about her other than she likes the color red and prefers potatoes grilled as opposed to boiled. 

One evening Elenwen came to my private room. Of course she barely knocked before she pushed the door open, then closed it behind her. “You will be leaving in the morning.” She announced suddenly. For a moment I felt that maybe I’d done something that displeased her, but when I read her eyes I knew differently. “I’m sending you to Markarth. You’ll report to Ondolemar, he’s the head Justicar there. He will be expecting you.” I could only nod once and then she was gone again. I wondered if I would ever return here, as I looked about my small room. 

My thoughts briefly turned to Trenil, who had left the summer before. No one else came to replace him. Through general inquiry, after our incident in Solitude, I found that he had been assigned to the embassy to study under one of the other Thalmor Wizards that resided here in cycles. While he was also an observant coming from the same ‘last house’ as I, we were earmarked for different purposes. I’d seen the many Thalmor Wizards come and go, most kept to themselves, preferring to practice in the basements or prisons. I shuddered for a moment. Remembering how it was in that place. 

The carriage ride to Markarth took just a day. I was accompanied by two Thalmor soldiers. I managed to hold my bladder for the predetermined stops along the route, but the rough wood bench made me wished I’d have requested additional stops. I believe I’d gotten a splinter in a very uncomfortable location, which made me walk even more stiffly up the stairs and then through the large brass gates to the city. While did very much enjoy the passing landscape of the land during the transport, I was wary to not show my excitement of seeing a new city. And I was nervous for being so far away from Elenwen… home. 

The very first thing that I experienced the second I stepped foot into Markarth was the pungent odor. I actually had to pause a moment, feel my knees get weak as the wave of near rotten food, blood from meats and sewage just washed over my senses. I didn’t even want to see what I was smelling. I could hear a vendor shouting out about his great meats, another woman yelling about her fine silver, and the cat calls of soldiers to other women who chided them on. My nose and ears were simply overwhelmed, but I did manage to get a hold of myself rather quickly, then I could see the city’s market square, if they can call it that. It was not much more than a patch of empty space crammed with crude market stalls. I looked round quickly as we started up towards the top of the city where the keep stood. It was clear – Nords did not build this city. For a very brief moment, I thought maybe it was Ayleid, but no. This was definitely built by the elusive Dwemer, there was no doubt in my mind. The two Thalmor soldiers were familiar with this city, so they lead the way. 

I’d never seen true Dwemer construction in person. Not like this. The sounds of the pumps still in operation even after two thousand years was astounding, and so loud! It seemed no one else noticed it anymore, unaffected by the loud pump-whoosh sounds. I continued following the soldiers up the stairs, finding it easier to walk now even though my bottom still stung. I kept my head up, back straight as the tall figure in black robes came into view above. He stood looking down towards me as I approached. I suppose he took pleasure in this physical position – on top. He was showing his superiority over me. I could continue up the stairs, to be on equal footing, or remain a few steps below. Being this was my first assignment outside of the embassy, I initially chose the latter. “Ah, you’re finally here. I had expected you sooner. I hope your ride was satisfactory.” He said, and in this case I could hear his voice dripping in condescension. 

I nodded, “It was acceptable for the purpose to get me here.” Then I chose to continue up the stairs. Why am I putting myself below him? I should never have responded to him until I was at the top of the stairs. My action seemed to take him by some surprise, since he started to say something else, but then closed his mouth. Once I was on the same floor, I could see his age more clearly. “Had I’d been expected sooner, Elenwen would have told me.” I held eye contact as long as it was necessary to let him know that I would not be treated as an underling, regardless of his senior position and age. 

“Not exactly…” he mumbled then motioned for me to join him as he directed me off along to the right side of the throne where the current jarl sat with his ‘court’. A pair of dogs whined behind us and one of the soldiers hissed at it. I thought that was a bit unnecessary, but the dogs did go quiet. “Come this way. I’ll show you the strategy room where we can further discuss your role here, and later I’ll show you the quarters. I have another assignee also joining us. He’s already waiting.” Ondolemar said as we ascended a short stairway. A Thalmor guard stepped aside, allowing us to enter this small room. 

The room was small with a large stone table at its center. Brass chairs lined all sides of the table. There was enough room to move around them and just beyond were highly polished shelves loaded with books and other documents. I thought that was all to this room until I noticed a small open doorway toward the back right. As we approached the table, another male possibly closer to my own age wearing the long black robes stood at attention. He looked to Ondolemar then to me. Ondolemar gestured for him to sit then for me to also take a seat. “Now that you are both here, let’s get down to it.” he turned towards one of the soldiers who had followed. “We require a good meal. I know the chef has been working on something while awaiting her arrival. Have his help bring it to us, then we are not to be disturbed for the rest of the evening.” His order wasn’t barked, but given with authority. “Now, while we wait for the food service, I have some things you will need.” He said then went over to the shelves, taking up two stacks of papers then set them on the table before us. “Just because you both have made it to this rank does not mean your education is done. Markarth’s history.” 

I caught the male’s gaze in my direction as I brought my attention to the stack placed before me. For only a second our eyes held. His irises were a very light green, almost yellow with some inward light. I felt my pulse quicken, but then I quickly put myself back into control. That mask I had learned to wear slipped on without effort. The room was quiet as we both began to read through the pages. Eventually a large meal was served to us. Ondolemar directed us to set aside the pages while we ate. During this ‘social time’, I also learned the young male’s name was Volil Adonin and he came from Valenwood. 

Once the meal and ‘social time’ had concluded, we took our papers then were shown through the small doorway, where there were sleeping quarters exclusively for the Thalmor residing in this city. The first section were for the soldiers and guards, who often shared spaces being they would work opposing shifts; while one would be on shift, the other would sleep. Further and down a flight of stairs were larger private quarters where the officers’ rooms. The one thing this place had that was not found at the embassy was an actual bathing room, complete with a small waterfall and a private closet for relieving oneself. I could smell citrus and lavender, and it pleased me much. I am female, after all. 

My assigned room was across the narrow hall from Volil. We nodded to one another then went into our separate rooms. For a long time, I could only just sit on the edge of my ‘new’ bed, looking around the room. It was not as small as the soldiers’ rooms, and it was adequately furnished with a single noble bed, Dwemer made nightstand and a noble wardrobe. There was also a small round table with a couple of chairs. Why two chairs? I stared curiously at the second chair. I suppose that in time I may want to take meals here, perhaps have a conversation? I also found that that wardrobe was already stocked with my belongings that came with me. I didn’t even remember seeing anyone bringing the cases up, but it was possible I supposed. Maybe it happened when I had my nose buried in the pages? 

In the morning, I felt immediate pain as I sat up in bed. That blasted splinter was becoming infected. I needed to take care of this immediately. I straightened my sleeping gown then quickly made my way to the bathing room. I breathed in the scents of citrus and lavender, and the air was steamy. I closed the door a quietly as I could (these Dwemer metal doors always seemed to slam loudly), then pulled my clothing off. To one side of the room was the bath, which I had to step down into carefully. Some of these old tiles were a bit slippery. It would be a shame to lose my step, fall then knock myself out to be found nude with an infected welt on my bottom. I smiled – that was an amusing vision. 

I lowered myself into the warm fragrant water, then dipped my head back to also soak my hair. It had been quite some time since I’ve been able to fully submerge myself like this. For a few minutes, I just enjoyed it. I tried to take a seat upon one of the underwater stone benches, but that blasted lump put me back on my feet again. I had to find a way to get this… 

“Oh, I’m sorry. I hadn’t realized it there was anyone in here. Good morning, Lilisara.” Came a familiar voice. My head snapped up and I quickly covered my naked breasts. Ondolemar. “Please carry on. I am not interested in your nudity.” He dropped his linen robe to the floor, standing naked now as well. 

I moved off towards the back of the large bath, hesitant to sit, but also wishing to be more in the water than I was. I managed to find a way to sit halfway, with only one arm covering my breasts so my free hand could possibly work on squeezing out the splinter. I must have winced since he was staring at me oddly. “Is something the matter?” he asked. 

I took in a deep breath then set my mask. “The carriage bench left a splinter in my… bottom. I feel it’s become infected. I was trying to remove it.” There. I said it. As embarrassing as this was, it was out there now. Nothing left to hide. 

“Let me look.” He said then stood up in the water, coming towards me. I could not help but to notice his manhood swaying in the water as he approached. He ‘hmphed’ at me, then turned me around. “Stand on that.” He said, directing me to stand on the stone bench. “I see it. Stay here.” He left the bathing room for a couple of minutes, all the while I tried to will the offending wood out of my skin and hoping to have it gone but he was too fast, returning with a small sharp blade. “Let’s take care of this, shall we.” I almost cried out in certain pain, and humiliation as he bent me slightly over to cut over the welt. “There. It’s out now.” I was about to turn back to sit down when he gripped my hip to hold me still. I felt a warm sensation and tingling on my rump as he used some healing magic on the wound. 

“Thank you.” I said firmly when he finally released me. I sat down with less pain now on the stone bench while he retreated again to the opposite side.

“You are welcome.” He said then I could see his mask melt way just enough. “I can imagine what kind of pain you must’ve felt sitting all those hours at the table last night. You should have said something.” He admonished. I didn’t respond. “There are soaps over there in that bowl with the hand cloths.” I watched as he picked up a bar of soap then proceed to wash. I did my best not to look at him as much as I did the same. We were just bathing. That was all. It was apparently a necessity. Then I remembered the stench from when I first came through those gates. Yes, in this place bathing had to be a necessity. As I was finishing rinsing my hair, Volil joined. I decided I was clean enough. If this is what I was going to have to face day to day, then I’d better get used to it – just not ready to be used it all in one shot. I felt my cheeks go flush as I quickly dodged off to my room.


	4. Chapter 4

Having spent most of my life to this point mostly in the company of other women, my experience with the opposite sex has been rather lacking. Having spent most of my life behind solid walls away from the rest of the world, I didn’t get to observe normal interactions until I’d come to Markarth. Well, with the exception of that one night when I was much younger. Memories of it still flash to mind time to time. I was at the end of my first month here when I my insufficient knowledge and experience started to eat at me. I’d been having those old memories creep up more frequently in the recent days. Here I was now spending most all my time with men. I’d caught Ondolemar’s eyes a few times drift off towards the bottom of a female as she passed or walked away, and even Volil’s eyes lingered at my chest a bit longer than necessary when regarding me. At first, I’d felt myself become uncomfortable, but then I needed to know why I felt this way. What was it in their gaze? I’d like to think I am a fairly modest person, but I also understand nudity isn’t something to be shameful about when necessary – such as for healing, or bathing. I’d become fairly accustomed now to the bathing room situation, but I had started take my bathing before the other two would be awake. Was I becoming aware of something that I hadn’t before?

I was never taught or told to hold onto sexual innocence. It was never an issue, or a thing to be prized. Of course we were taught about sexual relations, and reproduction, but only as part of our normal education. As we got into our pubescent years, we were quietly advised to handle our ‘need’ with discretion, and to take any necessary precaution to ensure against procreation – unless we absolutely wanted to raise children, which then we’d be removed from the school to do so. A few girls did leave, but not many. I’m uncertain of where they went, no one knew. A few girls resorted to relations among themselves in secret. A few, like myself, simply have held out giving in, except to ourselves. Even with that, I just didn’t have much ‘need’. I understood physical attraction, and then I’d think of Volil… even now, my mind brings an image of him, and I feel something in the middle of me clench and my breath holds for a moment. I see his eyes, glowing and warm. My heart flutters in beats. My palms are hot. 

Almost a month now I’ve managed to weave myself between these two men. Volil and I had reviewed all of the available documentation for Markarth’s history that was made available to us, including additional texts held by Calcelmo, the court Wizard and the leading Dwemer expert. I was grateful of now having more free time to do with as I wished, and I wished to know more about the actual people who lived in this city. While it was my free time, I decided it was just more of my own education. 

The sun never really reached the stony floor of Markarth for long, which was always thrown into shadows of the taller stone structures. Except for the most southern part of the city where a river flowed through briefly from out of the side of the rocks, through the sawmill’s wheel then falling into a larger body of water flowing back under the rocks and stone walls again. There I found a spot where I could watch the water, become mesmerized enough to tune out the sounds (and some smells) of the city around me. Which actually is not the best idea. I was just in such a state when a hand touched my shoulder and I nearly fell into the water. 

“Apologies, I had no intention of startling you.” Volil said, and he actually took a step back from me as I spun around. He then tipped his head, “Is something troubling you? You must’ve been very deep in thought.”

I crossed my arms then tried to meet his gaze. “Just contemplating life.” It was a very vague reply, but I truly had no other answer at the ready. I really wasn’t thinking hard on anything, just letting my mind drift with fragments of thoughts. “Was there something you needed?” I asked, and now I could meet his eyes, and I immediately wished I knew how to stop my face from feeling so hot. 

Volil’s brow raised, and his mask slipped just a little. “Yes. I need a big meal of roasted goat, or maybe chicken, and a nice bottle of Spiced Wine.” He folded his own arms across his chest, then the most unexpected small laugh came from him. “I am terrible at this.” He mumbled. 

I was in between feeling flattered if this was his way of trying to get to know me, or horrified that he would be so forward and unprofessional, or terrified because he was starting to behave as Riis had. Unsure of his intent, I only waited with my mask on tight. “Excuse me?” 

He cleared his throat and I saw his body relax. “I’m sorry. Let me try this again.” He let his arms drop, folding his hands in front. “We’ve spent a lot our time together in study. I thought perhaps we could really get to know each other. I was asking if you’d like to take a meal with me.” 

It was just past mid-day. My usual wandering around the city would lead me back to Understone Keep, where I would request a small meal to my room from the cook and then eat alone. I still was not sure of his true intention, but seeing his more relaxed form put me a bit more at ease. “I’ll accept your invitation.”

His eyes brightened and he nodded his head. “Thank you. I was thinking of the Silver-blood Inn, just for a change of scenery. Take in more of the local flavor, yes?” 

It was then that I realized he’d lived just as much of an isolated life as I had. Observing the interactions of others was necessary for optimal understanding. I let him lead the way towards the inn. Of course we were not met with the same greeting as with any other patron. Mostly the entire place went quiet as we went towards a small table. “Perhaps this wasn’t such a great idea.” I mumbled, then looked to him. 

He looked around then headed toward the innkeeper, Kleppr. They spoke quietly for a moment then Volil returned, “We can go up there. More private for us.” He said then motioned towards a short set of stairs to a private room. I followed him, then he closed the door. “He’ll bring some food and drink for us here.” 

I looked around and realized quickly that we were in the owner’s private quarters, complete with a small table with two chairs, fireplace with a cookpot and of course a large bed. I felt my heart leap into my throat and a rising panic. “Maybe this isn’t such a great idea.” I said then turned around to see him making himself comfortable in one of the chairs. 

His eyes went from me then to the bed and back again. “Oh! No! You misunderstand my intention. So we can actually talk. That is all.” He started to get up from the chair. His mask had now completely slipped off and he look almost as horrified as I’d felt inside. 

I actually breathed a sigh of relief, then allowed my own mask to slide off. “Sorry. I just had some… “ I thought of Riis for a brief moment, “I had some bad experience before.” I joined him at the table. He relaxed again, sitting across from me now. “This is nice, actually. Away from everything.”

Volil nodded, letting the corners of his mouth curl a bit. The smile suited him and his eyes warmed even more. My eyes would not stop looking at his lips. “I’m glad. It’s difficult to really be oneself in a place like this being who we are.” I sensed a bit of sadness. My heart jumped. 

“I can understand that.” I could feel that he was genuine. For all the time we’d spent together in discussion, I had gotten to know his inflections. “Ondolemar isn’t too difficult to be around, but he does not understand personal boundaries. He’s not a bad Altmer by any means.” My mind went back to that first night when he’d taken care of her splinter problem. My cheeks felt hot. 

Volil leaned back and chuckled. “That is a certain truth! We can talk… openly, yes? Let’s not hide behind the masks we must wear while we speak. I don’t know about you, but I feel sometimes we have to be just plain, without worry of appearances.” He said then we heard the door open. Kleppr and his daughter, Hroki, entered bringing in a plate of bread and cheese, bowls of some sort of soup and a bottle of wine. Once they’d left, Volil poured the wine. “I’m not sure what’s in the soup.” 

I picked up a spoon, stirring the contents in my bowl trying to identify it. “Looks mostly like some vegetables. Carrots, bits of cabbage, corn and I think leek in some tomato base.” I sniffed then took up a small spoonful to my lips to taste. “It’s not too bad. Just...” I found a piece of meat. “Ah, rabbit. It’s a poor man’s stew. Not poison.” I said then smiled as he laughed at my last comment. We had both relaxed quite a bit. 

Over the course of an hour our cautious conversation became more bold, delving into one another’s past. He too had actually lived very much a sheltered life among only male influence, being just as educated as I about the opposing sex. Which wasn’t much of an education, to be honest. He then also acknowledge that it must be much more of an adjustment on my part being here, where there was less female presence. The only other female Altmer I’d encountered within our ranks were only a couple of the Thalmor guards. 

After coming to this conclusion himself, he leaned back in his chair. Some other revelation then caught up to him. “Which is why you bathe alone now. I understand.” Something else came to him, he started to say, but then he went quiet. 

I watched his face, his eyes. “Actually, yes. Well… I just prefer my privacy.” I said trying to cover up the real reason. I didn’t even want to admit the real reason – so I wouldn’t have to subject myself from my eyes betraying lust when I saw his nude body. Even after the first time I beheld him, I could not get that vision out of my mind and found my hand traveling down my body as I slept. My face felt warm again, and I struggled to find a way to change this subject. 

Volil looked up, his gaze caught me and held me. I knew that look. I’d seen it on men before. I’d also seen it in the streets between lovers. I felt that. “Noted.” He said quietly then the doors opened again. Hroki came to take away the remaining food and empty plate. “I think we should get back to our day. I’m sure Ondolemar is probably wondering where we’ve gone to.”

The rest of the afternoon and into the evening went on as about any other. I visited the Shrine of Talos, using an invisibility spell of course, to hide in the shadow for a time. I had asked almost immediate upon learning of this shrine’s existence why was it still allowed to exist? Ondolemar stated that it was a perfect honey pot trap. Everyone was aware of the White-Gold Concordant, and the stipulation of any Talos worship being outlawed. After all, he was only a man. While there has always been much debate on his precise role of ending the Oblivion Crisis, the Nords were adamant the man rose to Godhood. Of course, this isn’t just a phenomena of the Nords. Similar could be said for the Dunmer’s False Tribunal. 

That night as I laid in bed, my thoughts kept turning over and repeating. If we were to actually succeed in our end goals, return ourselves as Et’Ada, would that be any different than the False Tribunal of the ‘Living Gods’? And the transformation of Tiber Septim into Talos the God wouldn’t be that much of a leap. I chastised myself for these thoughts, angry I’d even drawn any comparison. Of course it’s not the same. These men could not ‘make’ a God from a man simply because they believed it to be so. No, if anything they sullied the field with the creation of Mundus which was keeping us nailed here, and not allowing us to become what we should be. I finally found sleep, but it was not peaceful.


	5. Chapter 5

I grew up within a school that did not encourage individual growth, even with the youngest generations. No, those were ‘rights’ and they had to be earned. Midway through our later years, we were given aptitude tests which then determined our vocations. For me, I didn’t test very high in any specific area. I was at the time a potential mage, but I had a stronger showing with single handed blades. I also had developed an interest in human sociology and worked to develop a certain set of observational skills. As we had graduated to a higher level of learning, we became the teachers to the younger students. It had been done this way for a century or more. However, I had noticed that with each generation coming up that there were more students. Even throughout all of our upbringing, the classes were thinned out by the removal of students who simply did not make the cut. I never really thought about where they’d gone. Most of us believed that they were simply transferred to a different schools or houses for separate education. In my recent days, my mind turned to them. 

I had finished my evening walk around the city, making mental notes of the usual observations. I’d even spend a few minutes within the Temple to Talos, using invisibility to move about. One citizen came in, approached the shrine. I held my breath, watching and waiting. The woman’s lips were drawn downward, her expression one of disgust. She pulled a wilted red flower from a basket, held it for a moment as she looked upon the shrine. I was about to grab her for the crime, when she spit on the shrine then crumpled the flower in her hand, spit on that then threw it on the ground where she smashed it more on the floor. I was curious about this woman’s actions. I’d seen a man do something similar before. How odd. Had they truly given up on Talos the God? Or was it a message? I made a mental note to bring this up with Ondolemar; or maybe I should speak to Volil first – see if he’d encountered any similar instances. I waited a few more minutes before I left to go back to Understone Keep. 

I’d entered our section of the keep, pausing only long enough to greet two Thalmor guards who were having tea. They informed me that Ondolemar was actually looking for me in the lower chambers. I proceeded on, finding him in his room sitting at a large table. Of course he had a larger room. “You were looking for me?” I asked as I entered, he waved me over. 

“Yes, yes.” He said then shifted around some papers that were spread out in front of him. He held one page up. “We have some new information. There’s been some happenings in Helgen. I just received this communication from the First Emissary Elenwen. Our strategy has been changed.” He looked up at me as I took a seat at the table across from him. “Where’s Volil?”

I shook my head. “I haven’t seen him since mid-day.” I said, then saw his one eyebrow raise at me. “We have been taking lunch together to compare notes, share information.” I explained, knowing that it was not entirely a lie. “Should I get one of the guards to find him?” I asked about to get up from my seat. 

“No, no. He’ll be here soon. I’ve already sent someone to search him out.” He looked over more papers, then pointed to a wine rack against a wall. “Would you care to pull something to drink? Anything would be fine. There are cups in the cabinet there.” His eyes never left the pages he flipped through, then he resorted them again. 

I pulled a bottle without looking at the label, then brought three cups to the table the poured wine into two of the cups. “What’s happened in Helgen?” I asked as I sat back down again. 

Ondolemar shot me a quick glance then took up his cup. “Thank you. It seems there was a dragon attack.”

I almost choked, swallowed hard then coughed. “Dragon attack? You can’t be serious!” I knew Elenwen very well, and I knew she would not write such rubbish. I watched his face, hoping that maybe he was letting his own mask fall and perhaps it was just a joke to get a reaction from me. 

“You wanted to see me?” Volil’s voice came from behind me as he entered. I looked up towards him and for a brief moment I could see some expression cross his face seeing me sitting there. I gave a wink, since Ondolemar had his attention drawn to the pages in front of him. Volil seemed to breathe better. He took a seat near me. 

“Yes. I wanted to speak to you both.” He pulled the pages from Elenwen together then handed them to me. “Here’s the communication. I’m sure you’re familiar with her hand. You can read it for yourself.” He leaned back, then regarded Volil. “Our initial orders have been changed. Not that we are going to give up rooting out those who are in violate of the White-Gold Concordat, but now we have a new problem on our hands. In the time since you,” he then gestured towards me, “left the Embassy, the First Emissary Elenwen had been called to Helgen. Ulfric and some of his men were caught trying to escape into Cyrodiil. When they’d come into Helgen, Elenwen was overseeing their swift end by expediting execution orders. However, this was thwarted when a dragon attacked. Ultimately Ulfric and some of them that were with him escaped. Ulfric now sits on his throne as Jarl of Windhelm. Of course Elenwen and her attachment did manage to escape the attack, along with General Tullius and a number of their men, but many were killed. I’d received another communication from Tullius himself here.” He said holding up another letter. “It reads about the same, just with more colorful details. In the time since, there had been a separate dragon attack at Whiterun, and here’s a letter sent from Jarl Balgruuf to Tullius that Tullius forwarded along with his letter.” He picked up a third letter. “It seems we have a new adversary on the playing field.” He sent down all the papers, picked up his cup then drained it. “The Dragonborn.”

Volil’s brow arched. “Dragonborn?” he glanced at me. “Dragon attack?”  
I’d finished reading Elenwen’s letter, the familiar handwriting was soothing and alarming from the content all the same. “That is what she’s written. A large black dragon attacked Helgen. How does this ‘Dragonborn’ fit into all of this?” I asked looking up at Ondolemar.

Volil took up the pages I set down to read for himself. Ondolemar stood then slowly started to pace his room. “Regardless of which side this Dragonborn favors, it is against our design. While the idea of allowing this civil war between the Empire and the Stormcloaks does actually work in our favor, it’s very possible that with the arrival of a dragon and subsequently the Dragonborn, will tip the scales against us. We cannot let this happen. It is odd, however, how this happened right when the war would have been over with the removal of Ulfric’s head. Timing.” He paused, looking down at the floor like he’d lost something. “Elenwen is calling for scouts, but not just any scouts. Specifically, she’s requesting you, Lilisara.” He stopped again, looking directly at me. 

“Me? I don’t see how I can…” I was shocked at this revelation. I had not read this in the letter. Then I saw another letter sitting there with her handwriting on it. It was topped with her personal seal, a symbol she used for ‘eyes only’. “May I?” I asked nodding to the last letter. He nodded approval so I slowly brought it up to read. 

“I will not send you alone, so Volil will also go with you. While you both will then be leaving my service here in Markarth entirely too soon, your replacements are on the way here now.” He said then sat down again. 

I read the private letter and it was very clear that she still trusted in me very much, and my new life will be a Thalmor spy. A spy? I tried to hide the fact that my pulse was starting to race. With Volil? I looked over to him and he held firm to that mask, so I could not read his emotions at this time. I pulled mine on tight as well. “Fine. If that’s what it will be, it will be. When do we leave and had there been any further arrangements made I need to be aware of?” I spoke with the some measure of authority I knew I had. 

Ondolemar nodded, then went on to give a brief summary. “I’ve arranged for a good sum of gold for you both, change of attire, and have hired a carriage driver to take you as far as Rorikstead. That’s as close to Whiterun we can risk. From there, you’ll be on your own. You will be ‘refugees’, so you of course cannot arrive with a privately paid carriage. You’ll find out what you can from there to track down and dispose of this Dragonborn.” He poured more wine for us all. “You’ll have minimum weaponry upon your person, and you will be leaving tomorrow evening.”

We drank from our cups, making a toast to the Aldmeri Dominion. I had returned to my room to find two changes of peasant clothes folded neatly on my bed, with an Ebony dagger charged with only a small shock enchantment, a purse full of gold, peasant boots and a peasant hat. Hanging on the back of one of the chairs was a ragged fur cloak. While I did not completely detest the long black robes I now wore, I was having a hard time with the attire that was laid out before me. I picked up the knapsack by my nightstand. I put in one of the outfits and the purse of gold. I also then included a few changes of under clothes from my own wardrobe. I doubt anyone thought of that. “Am I interrupting?” a voice came from my doorway and I jumped. “I’m sorry…” Volil said as he came in, softly closing the door behind him. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

I shook my head, “It’s ok. I was just lost in thought for a moment.” I set down the knapsack. “It was just a lot to take in.”

Volil’s lips curved into a crooked smile. “I’m actually glad we got this assignment. I can really then see the truer you.” 

My heart skipped a beat. “I’ve always wanted to see more. I guess I’ll have my wish.” My mind roamed back over the old memory of Riis, and the lie. “It should be a good experience.” I struggled to pull the mask back on again, but was failing miserably. 

“What troubles you? We really should make some sort of strategy before we head out tomorrow evening. I wonder why so soon?” he asked then sat in the chair at the small table where the cloak draped over the back. “Don’t you find that odd?”

I sat on the side of the bed. “Probably so that we can get a good head start before anyone else. I do wonder why Ondolemar sat on this information for as long as he did.” 

Volil leaned forward towards me, his elbows on his knees. “I’m not sure I follow?” 

I leaned towards him, bringing my voice to barely a whisper. If I knew anything, we were surrounded by Elves. Elves had extremely good hearing. “The date on the letter from Elenwen. It was 20th of Last Seed and she had referenced that the dragon attack occurred three days prior, which would have been the 17th of Last Seed. It is now 24th of Frostfall.”

Volil leaned back, thought for a moment then leaned in again, also keeping his voice barely above a whisper. “Perhaps the Courier was delayed?” he threw out, but then we both shook our heads. “That is odd. From what I had read, it seemed this request was rather urgent, which does beg to ask why Ondolemar delayed in action. For now, let’s just keep this between us. It might be too dangerous.”

“Agreed.” I whispered back. Then as he stood, his hands took my arms, bringing me up to stand close to him. Very, very close. Then I felt his hands run down my arms, behind my arms, and then at my back. Our faces were so close. I didn’t resist, but I was surprised by this move. 

“I’m glad we’ll be together.” He said into my ear, and I felt his breath at my neck. By some instinct I was not aware of, my arms went around his neck. When he moved his lips away from my ear, his lips so close to mine… I held my breath as he hesitated, pausing and then touched his to mine. I felt... I felt... my whole being was set on fire! Our lips that barely brushed into one another were then converged, and then I felt his tongue touch mine, his arms pulled me tighter into his body. I felt myself react and a small sigh caught in my throat when we finally parted. “Just one more night here.” He said, then gave my lips another small kiss before letting me go. I nodded. 

One more night. What was I feeling? I didn’t sleep that night. I couldn’t get the feeling of his mouth on mine, the feel of his body pressed into mine. Then my mind eventually returned to the gap of time between the date of the letters and current time. Why was there such a delay?


	6. Chapter 6

I’ve said before that my entire life, my whole existence, has been scheduled, planned, predetermined by others. From my waking moment until I laid to sleep, every hour of my being has been ruled over. Even when I had any actual ‘free time’, it was scheduled when I could have it, and that was only once I’d actually earned the privilege to have it. Now here I was, about to step out into the world undercover to be a commoner and I had no idea how to do so. I’d spent countless hours and days observing others, their behavior, how they reacted, how they spoke to one another, how they related to the world around them. I’d even taken to observing those when they didn’t know they were being observed in privacy. Watched abusive husbands prey on their wives. Watched angry wives taking it out on their children. I watched children cry and hug their mothers, even as adults. I’ve watched husbands who put their wives above themselves, singing praises and bringing flowers just to see her smile. I’ve seen lonely men, who had found no love in world that pushed them out, and how they put up their façade when they interact with others so no one would know how empty they felt inside. I’ve seen lovers become engulfed in their passion, and I could feel how they felt the whole mad world fade away when they embraced. I’ve watched all of this, all their great achievements in their little lives and their dirty secrets. But now that I have to live as one of them… I found myself at a loss. 

I felt my stomach flutter, then roll into itself. I passed up breakfast in favor of a strong tea. I pulled on the clothing that I was to wear, putting at least one of my black robes, boots and gloves into the larger satchel with the other change of regular clothing along with anything else I needed to take with me. I kept some of my gold in a small pouch at my hip, along with a dagger of ebony. I was advised to pass up on a bath to be more ‘believable’. I rolled my eyes at this thought since there was no way to know when I’d find another bath. Soft rapid knocking at my door pulled my attention. Before I could get to it, the door opened quickly. “What are you…?” I started to ask then I realized it was Ondolemar. “Forgive me. I was about to head towards the stables.” I said then pulled on the heavy cloak. 

“I wanted to be sure to catch you before you left.” He said then began to pace a bit. “I’ve been noticing strange behavior from your contemporary.” He paused long enough to watch my face. I wore the mask tightly. “I’ve planted this same seed into his head as well. You are accountable for each other, but to be certain, there will always be an attachment of guards trailing you. Always. If at any point you believe he will betray this mission, you are charged to do the right thing.” He said quickly, standing straight, arms folded. “Do not think you will not be watched. There will always be eyes on you.” He stood for a moment in silence, his eyes burning into mine, then he did something uncharacteristic. He said, “Hm.” His brow arched and the left corner of his lips seemed to turn down slightly. My eyes gave me away! But, gave what away? My pulse quickened as he went on. “At any rate, good luck.” He finished then swiftly left my room. 

I hesitated before I followed out then went on my way to the stables outside of the city’s gate. Thankfully, the weather was being mild so it wasn’t nearly as cold. Banning stood beside the cart chatting with the driver, Kibell. I could see Volil already seated in the back of the cart. “Ah, another one. Did the Thalmor fire you as well?” Kibell asked as he saw me approach. I let my eyes glance over to Volil, his shoulders hunched over and he’d given me a very slight nod. 

“Yes. I guess I wasn’t making my quota.” I replied then hefted myself up into the back of the rough cart. A very, very slight twitch came to Volil’s mouth and I knew he was hiding a smile. I made to make myself more comfortable on the bench, letting my eyes scan around us, looking up even to the top of the city gate where I found what I was looking for. Just barely over the edges of the stonework, I could see the sun glinting off of two Elven helmets. We were really being watched. 

“Good on you.” Kibell said with a nod. He said good bye to Banning then mounted up on the driver’s bench, taking the reins in hand. “I’m guessing you’re both going to the same destination, Old Hroldan?” This was of course news to me. I thought our destination was to Rorikstead, then try to track our query from there. I simply nodded. Kibell got the horse to move and within minutes we were off, away from Markarth, but I knew we were being watched. Volil knew we were being watched. 

We were near comping up on the waterfalls at Reachwater when he finally dared to speak to me. He pulled his fur cloak up further around his neck, nearly covering his mouth, then looked over at me. I saw a message in his eyes and I did the same, to cover our mouths. “We have to be careful when we talk. I don’t know how much they can hear, or if they can know our lips. I saw them watching before we left the city. Ondolemar told me they’ll be following us.” I said quickly. I kept my voice low because, well, Elves have excellent hearing. 

“Yes, I know. He did say the same to me before I left as well. I am not sure if he was really trying to play us against one another, spark some suspicion and doubt, or if he did so as a warning that we would be followed.” Volil replied through his furs. 

“It was not a warning. He thinks you’ll sell me out.” I said. I could feel him holding back the question on how I would know this. Now was not the time to go into explanations. “Why Hroldan?”

“It’s between here and Whiterun. Simple explanation to our ‘watchers’ that it’s so we do arrive on foot to Whiterun, as exiles. It also serves a means to get them on foot as well, and away from enough civilization to possibly do away with them.” He said, his brows narrowing over his eyes. “In case there are more waiting in Rorikstead.”

I couldn’t help the small gasp. “You’re not talking…?” I saw his grim expression. “That would be a treason! If they caught us, they’d kill us no questions asked!”

Volil held my gaze, “They’ll need to know they are dead first. I don’t plan on their bodies to be discovered any time soon. Who knows, maybe we’ll get lucky and the Forsworn will take care of them.” He smiled. I can’t explain why, but it my fears to rest all at once. “I hear there is a large Forsworn encampment not too far from there.” I didn’t get a chance to say anything else as he had already slipped his furs back down again. I rolled my eyes, gave him a quick smile then pulled mine up further. The words we shared out loud from there on were mundane, typical of those who traveled together. Nice weather, how the bench is hard on one’s bottom, and the prospect of getting a good meal and warm room at the next inn. 

The sun had blazed its trail across the sky and was starting to descend when we arrived at Old Hroldan. I was not at all impressed. Neither was Volil. However, since it consisted only of the one building, the inn, it would be difficult for our watchers to get too close without being noticed. Inside the small structure, we found warmth, and most of all – privacy. We were the only patrons. The innkeeper, Eydis, assumed we were young lovers who’d just set out to start our lives together. I actually almost giggled at this thought, then realized it really wasn’t too far from the truth. Except for one difference. We weren’t lovers. The thought crossed my mind and I felt my stomach roll in again. Did he think of me that way, or was I projecting my feelings towards him to much that I wanted it to be true? I had to pull myself back again. I let my emotions out too much. 

“Something bothering you?” he asked after a couple of hours of me just sitting and watching the flames in the fire. I’d stopped eating the moment I realized I’d let out too much. I watched him, his actions and soon found that he did not make any movement towards me. He hadn’t physically touched me since the ride here. 

I let out a sigh. I could not actually talk about my doubts, but I knew that I had to say something. “I was wondering that once we get into Whiterun, what is our plan of action. We cannot just walk in there asking if anyone knows where to find the Dragonborn.” I pretended to be interested in a stray hair on his shoulder while I waited for his response. 

He tipped his head to one side, his mouth drawn into a frown. “I have a far better plan. Ever since I’d met you, and all our time together, I couldn’t help but to have these dreams of a life that didn’t involve…” He sighed. “I wasn’t planning on it, not really, but since we are somewhat free, how would you like to live just a normal, regular life, maybe have a family? If you don’t, and still choose to continue with this asinine mission to find and kill the Dragonborn, be my guest. I only ask a simple favor that you allow me time enough to get far enough away before you turn my name into the Thalmor.” He sat up straighter, his arms tight across his chest as he frowned deeper. 

I smiled, bowed my head and a tear streamed down my cheek. I didn’t realized I’d been holding my breath while he’d spoken, and so I let it out in a huff. “A family?” Not once in my entire life had I ever thought of my own family. Other than the sisters I had growing up, other than the Aldmeri Dominion. Not once was it ever mentioned among any of the others for all my life. Did Elenwen have a family? Impossible, I’d have known about it. Did she leave behind a family? My nose began to run as more tears spilled from my eyes. “You want a family with me?” I asked looking up at him, and then seeing his smile… It could light the darkest nights. 

“Yes. Will you marry me?” he whispered, then reached for my hand. “I know we haven’t known each other very long, but I know I cannot ever be separated from you. I… kind of begged Ondolemar to let me go. Well, I convinced him of this rouse – the young couple.” Volil smirked. “This is why I re-directed us to here, why we need to get free of the watchers before we get into Rorikstead.”

My heart was racing beats so fast, and I felt the air just leave my lungs. Was I really going to do this? I had always worked for the benefit of the Dominion, always prioritized being a Justicar. It was all I ever wanted. To earn enough freedom to hear the music that called to me. Was this it? Would I ever have another opportunity? I inhaled sharply, wiping away the tears. “Yes!” 

He stood then took my hand. “Come. We should go to bed. I want to make love to my future wife.” His voice sounded different, the tone changed and I felt my eyes go wide when I realized the protrusion in his pants. My initial instinct was to draw back. Fear. In the next breath, I felt my need for him. As we crossed to the room we rented for the night, I realized that this was my last minutes of my virginity. A part of me deeply sighed, ‘Finally!’ 

We closed the door behind us, latching it and let go of all the rest of the world beyond it. For now, in this moment, it was just for us. I had observed the ladies of the street, and their expert techniques. I was too embarrassed to let Volil know that I was completely inexperienced. I felt like my heart was going to beat its way out of my throat. I immediately began removing all of my clothes, placing them on a chair, then went to him. Volil stood having only taken off his shirt, just watching me for a moment until I got near when I dropped to my knees and started to pull his pants down. I had never in my life performed such an act, and in a blind panic of not knowing at all what I was doing, I popped back up to my feet, banging my head into his chin. I winced. He winced. We both said ‘Ow’. But I was undeterred. I went back at him, enforcing a kiss while wrapping a firm grip on his cock through his pants. I just squeezed. Then squeezed it again, slightly jerking my fist back and forth. He pulled away, “Ow!” I was startled. 

“Have you… Ever…?” he asked holding me at arm’s length. 

Shamed. I hung my head. “No. I’ve watched, but never participated.” I confessed. 

“Well, that explains that.” He said then pulled me close again. “Slower this time, and just let it happen.” He said then I felt his breath on my cheek, his tongue licked my lower lip and my mouth opened to him. He pulled me closer, crushing me almost in his embrace, his mouth moving over mine, tongues entwined. In time, he loosened his pants, and let them fall. I could feel his hard cock, so velvety smooth against my skin and I felt my need for him like a roaring waterfall. He walked us to the small single bed in the corner. We separated long enough for me to get on the bed, where he followed down onto me, over me, between my legs. He leaned up on one hand while the other traveled the length of my body, then his fingers dipped inside and pressed that place of nerves, swirling and pressing, then sliding down and up. My hips moved with him and I could feel his own body start to shake. “I’ll try to be slow, but…“ He sighed, kissed me deep again. “I need to get inside you.” His breath hot against the side of my neck and then I felt him pushing his cock into me, inch by inch until he was hilt deep. He lingered there for a moment, kissing and touching me before he started to move slow out, then in again. Over and over. I started to grind my hips up to him, it just felt natural. It felt so right. We eventually matched our movements and the pace began to quicken, faster and with more force. I felt like I was starting to float, every part of me just wanted more. It was far more than just standing on the edge of a cliff, I was falling from a mountain. My legs began to shake and I felt myself moaning in such pleasure, matching his own groans. He again slid a hand down to my middle, and with an experienced touch of his finger I was crying out and felt myself unravel. He groaned, grunted, panted and I felt his own spasm as he emptied himself into me, deeply. 

For a while, we just lay like that. Not moving, but remaining conjoined. He reached over to pull a blanket over us, and we slept very soundly for the night. By the morning, we had made love twice more and then once more before we finally dressed for the day. It was then, over a hot breakfast porridge that I had absolutely made up my mind. Yes, I’ll be his wife. We’ll leave behind the Dominion. Have our own lives away from all of that. We’ll have a family… and that’s when I thought, I need to ask about getting some birth prevention potion. While Volil stepped outside to check on our watchers, and to relieve himself, I asked Eydis about the potions. She actually had one small vial, which I gladly offered to pay her for. She chuckled, refused my old and handed me the vial. “I heard you two,” she shook her head. “Just take it. You need it more than I.”


	7. Chapter 7

Volil and I decided it would be best to stay one more night at Old Hroldan. In this time we made a plan, and while I didn’t like it much, knew that we had to follow through with it. Had to. Or, we give up what we really want in this life together. It would be difficult to carry on as agents in our prospective roles feeling as we did for one another. Sure, there were those that did get married, maybe even had children – well, maybe? We could only guess since if/when they did, we never heard nor saw them again. Children? The very idea struck me funny. 

The plan was rather simple, really. Volil and I would walk out onto the porch, as if we were ready to set out on foot towards Rorikstead, but I will get violently ill. This of course would simply justify why we would stay another night. Which bought us more time. Volil, being a near master alchemist would then go out gathering ingredients needed to cure my illness, while I convalesced inside the inn. We knew the watching guard wouldn’t blow their cover by stepping foot inside the inn. We had to ‘appear’ unattached to Thalmor. They knew this, we knew this. But, Volil would actually be collecting plants and such to create poisons, which he infused into our blades. 

On the next morning we set off towards Rorikstead, our poisoned blades on our belts. I admit that I was very nervous, but Volil placed his hand on my shoulder as we stepped away from the old inn, a solid touch of confidence in that our plan would work. I took a deep breath as I let my eyes scan around us for the pair of soldiers, finding the glint of shiny metal. My eyes quickly shifted to Volil, silently showing him my awareness of their location. We reached the top of a hill, before the ground could dip down and I turned towards him, as normal people sometimes do when in conversation. This time he caught their movement. We came to an abandoned camping sight and I went to go behind a stump. A simple time and place to relieve myself, as normal people do. Just as Volil predicted, they came closer. Volil waved to them. “Just taking a break. No one is around, you can come out. We have some questions.” Volil called out. I stayed hunched behind the stump, watching as the two came closer from being called out. 

“We aren’t supposed to engage with you.” The first said as they approached. “But, I don’t think there’s harm when there’s no witnesses.” The second just a step behind the first. 

“I agree. There is no one else around, so it’s safe. We just had been thinking and had a couple of questions, about Rorikstead.” Volil said, his posture being relaxed. My hand gripped at my dagger. 

The pair of guards took a more relaxed posture as well. “Whatever you need. We are your back up so we can quickly report back the identity and location of this Dragonborn. You are the ones who have to root him out.” 

Volil chuckled. “Root him out?” He shook his head. “We’ve had this argument since yesterday. I say Rorikstead is part of Whiterun Hold. She disagrees.” That was my queue. I moved out from behind the stump. “Can you settle this argument?” Volil said. 

While the first started to describe its location, and the person who established the small town, the second looked away over the horizon. Perfect. With incredible speed, Volil struck the second who was the bigger of the two, his blade striking fast to the back of the man’s neck. He then spun around slicing the first across the face. While the first screamed, his hands instinctively going to his face, I pounced the second with another strike. Volil dropped his dagger, taking mine from my hand to give the first another dose. He had infused our daggers with two poisons, that when applied in separate strikes, reacted quickly. In another minute they were both dead on the ground. It actually happened a lot faster than I expected, and was much easier too. I was amazed how quickly the poisons worked. 

I stood panting, shaking, and my ears were ringing. Volil caught his own breath then shook my hand. “Come on. We have to hide the bodies. At least, get them out of sight enough they won’t be found for a long time.” I nodded. We managed to pull both bodies over beyond the stump, where there was a outcropping of large rocks and brush, that gave way to a steep fall. It was easiest to remove most of their armor before moving them, folding them somewhat, and then piling debris over them. We dropped the armor pieces over the edges. 

Once this was done, we changed our clothes, did what we could to make ourselves less frenzied, then continued on our way to Rorikstead. I’d never been so nervous in my life. During the entire way, I could not help but to see that man’s eyes go wide, then the scream of pain, then their limp bodies as we pulled off the armor and then shoved them into a small space. Now I truly was sick to my stomach, that I had one that to another being. One of my own kind. I felt that Volil shared this pain with me, internally. We were quite solemn as we made our way into Rorikstead. The sun had crossed three quarters of the sky by the time we stepped up to the inn there. I could smell cooking meats, which chased away the nausea. We were quiet as we ordered our food and drink, we were quiet as we made love again in another place. 

The next morning the innkeeper’s son had taken some notice of us and approached. “Hello, my name is Erik. I hope your stay has been satisfactory. If there’s anything you need, please don’t hesitate to ask.” He offered a cold pitcher of water and a somewhat fresh loaf of bread. Volil thanked him. I wasn’t entirely sure of our next step. We had talked about it, but not at such length as we had for the initial plan of getting rid of the first two. We knew from this point forward, we were fugitives of the Aldmeri Dominion and the Thalmor would track us until death. 

Eventually the innkeeper, Mralki, approached us where we sat away from most others. “Are you looking for work?” he asked in a low tone. “I think I might be able to help. There was an old woodcutter who lived in a very small cabin… well, more of a shack… just on the other side of the big farm. It’s not very big, and would need some work to be lived in again, but it is free if you want it.” 

Volil looked up, his eyes meeting mine first then turned to Mralki. “Perhaps. What work are you talking about, other than fixing the … shack... up?”

Mralki gave a crooked grin. “Just farm work. We lost a couple of people recently with this war, and now with the dragons… Well, let’s just say we aren’t turning way farm help.”

I slowly closed my eyes, swallowed. “For both of us?” I asked. 

“Of course.” Mralki nodded, then leaned in. “A courier will pass through here by this afternoon. You might want to make yourself scarce when he does.” Volil and I both snapped our heads up. “Not sayin’ you did anything wrong, and not wanting to know if you did, but if you are running from certain factions, that’s the one person in this land you don’t want to know where you are.” He whispered, then leaned up. “So long as you are here to work, I don’t care where you came from.”

Volil nodded, “You have yourself a deal, my friend. Thank you.”

In my head that was starting to throb, a peace started to spread. Everything was going to be okay. We were going to be ok. We finished our day old bread, washed it down with the fresh cold water then made our way to this dilapidated shack. 

To be honest, it was more than a shack, but not yet a cabin or a true house. It was obvious it was built essentially for a single person, but easily could be repaired for our own purpose. Apparently in this town, a single person actually owned all of the land, Rorik. Over the course of a few days, we spend half our time in the field, tending to the crops and the other half of our time rebuilding the small home. Our first home. Eventually I took on more of a wife duties, splitting my time between helping in the gardens and household things like cleaning clothes, cooking. Volil worked most days in the fields, also teaching Reldith more about alchemy. Eventually our home was about as complete as it could get, and we were happily fitting in with the town. I never in my life imagined me in this type of life. While we never disclosed our beginnings, the townsfolk didn’t seem to care. We had proven ourselves in their eyes. So, when an unscheduled courier came to town, Ennis quickly informed Volil to go home, providing a quick escape and cover. The courier stopped into Frostfruit Inn for longer than typical, and the reason why soon arrived. 

A Justicar and his entourage soon approached as the sun started to sink down to the horizon, entered the inn. The courier then left and continued on his way. Volil and I shuttered our windows and barricaded the door. I couldn’t breathe. My heart pounded. All our past came flooding back to me, even back to Riis’ death screams. Volil did his best to keep me calm, but I could see his was ready to rush out of his own skin. Hours went by, then we heard a light tap at a back window. I rushed over, peeked through a slat. Erik! “They’re going to look through houses. You have to leave! Now! Go towards Whiterun, that’s where they’ve been to already, so they won’t head that direction again. But, you have to leave now!” Erik whispered loudly. 

Volil and I took the briefest glances at each other and then quickly flew into action. We had to leave. Now. There was absolutely no doubt in our minds that if we were found here, and the whole while the townsfolk said they didn’t know us, the Thalmor would burn this whole town to the ground, with the people in it. The whole thing would be chalked up to ‘Talos worshipping’, and never thought of again. In minutes we had gathered our belongings we needed or didn’t want to leave behind, then slipped out the back window running further east until we came upon a shrine to Zenithar. There we stopped, catching our breath, taking in the night air. We hadn’t brought anything to sleep under the stars, but we had to make do with what we had. Huddled against a broken stone wall, we held each other tight until the eastern sky showed a promise of another day. 

We were sore, achy, exhausted, but we managed to finally come within eye view of Whiterun’s walls. What a beautiful sight! My stomach growled more, even after eating my portion of cheese and bread. We decided that an immediate Thalmor threat had passed, it was safe to walk the road just about to pass Western Watchtower. It was obvious something large had attacked this place, the crumbling walls and charred wood were evidence of this. Guards patrolled around the watchtower, but none questioned us as we passed by at a walking pace. Volil had reached for my hand and held it as we walked. I couldn’t help but to feel a little giddy. I wanted to badly to be so optimistic about our lives. In the few weeks we had in Rorikstead, it was some kind of heaven. I was not willing to let it go. 

Volil started to say something, but then an unusual sound caught us off guard. A roar? We took another step, stopped then heard it again, louder. Simultaneously, we looked up and there, coming directly towards us was a dragon! A dragon! I started to run, my hand clutching Volil’s, but he was simply frozen in his step. Stunned! The dragon dove down, fire spewing forth towards us. I could feel the heat and watched the ground before us become scorched. Finally, Volil moved and he immediately began to pull me away from the road, towards a broken wall. Behind us we hear the most unimaginable sound of a shout coming from a man, felt the percussion of it pushing our backs as we ran. I turned my head to look behind us, glimpsing only this mountain of a man arms raised shouting out at the dragon then had swung around and was heading directly towards us. The man shouted again, and the dragon dove at him, spitting fire right at him. But the man did not burn, just the ground around him. Astonishing! Volil pulled me down behind the wall, to the ground, but hesitated in his movement to get down himself. The dragon swooshed by, a claw snagging Volil up by his arm.

I screamed for what seemed forever, until I had no voice left to scream. No! No, no! This can’t be! This cannot happen! NO! Hot tears poured from my eyes as I pleaded with every god imaginable to return my Volil. Please! The mountain of the man shouted again, and within a violet blur, the dragon thud to the ground. I hadn’t realized that I had run so far from the stoney cover, waving my arms about, screaming for the beast to let go of Volil. The large man shouted once more then ran at the dragon with a massively large sword that glittered with magic. While they fought, I tried to find Volil. I called out, over and over again until I found a shape amid the tall tundra grass. I dropped to my knees, my face smeared with soot and tears. “Oh, Volil! Volil, no!” he moved. He was alive! “Oh, Volil. We have to go. We have to move!” the sounds of the large man and dragon fighting only a few feet behind me. The man shouted once more and then the dragon blasted another stream of fire at him in a scream of pain and violence. 

“I can’t…“ Volil tried to speak. The pain he was feeling was more than he could even bare. I could see that he was attempting to heal himself, at least enough to speak. “Run!” He choked out, then his last breath left him forever. Kneeling beside the body of my love, I could only scream until I could feel a flame licking around me. I had nothing else to live for. Nothing else that wanted me to live. It was for nothing.


	8. Chapter 8

I felt my head pain first, as typical of these things, and then I was keenly aware of the other parts of my body screaming in worst pain. Does death really hurt like this? My other sense soon started to come into focus. I could feel nothing but pain, but I could smell roasted meat. Probably my own flesh. I moaned and tried to move, but I just lacked the strength. Soon I could hear a woman’s voice, soothing, reassuring coming towards me, closer. I felt cool water touch my lips, and I allowed myself a sip. The female voice soothing me and warning me to take it easy. Slow, she said, easy. I felt tears running from my eyes and into my hair, and the pain swallowed me into darkness again. I have no idea how much time I missed, but I came through again out of the darkness hearing the same female speaking with a male, his voice gravely and low. I tried again to move but found myself restrained by one wrist tied to a post. Now I was really confused. I didn’t die? Where am I? I tried to sit up more, but found the pain striking at me once more and I let out a small cry. 

“Oh, she’s waking up again.” The woman said as she entered the room. She came to my side, helping me sit up, pushing up a pillow for my head. “Easy now. You had a lot of wounds, don’t want to break them open again. They’re healing quite well, from what I’ve seen.” She said gently then pulled a chair up to the side of the bed. I moaned and got my eyes to focus on her face, my vision still blurry. “Just sip a little bit at a time. Too much may make you sick.” She brought a cup to my lips, but I pulled away. “It’s ok. It’s just water. That’s all. Just some water.” She said then attempted again to bring it to my lips. I slowly acquiesced, taking a small sip of the cold water she offered. “There. That’s good.” She said, and I could see a smile cross her face. More awake now, I pulled myself up more then pulled at my wrist tied to the post of the bed. “Sorry, we didn’t know what else to do. You’re not a prisoner or anything like that, we just didn’t want you rolling around too much, or falling, or…. Running off.” She said, then sat back with a sigh. “Your injuries were quite severe. If you ran off, you wouldn’t have survived.”

I narrowed my brows. Really? Perhaps I needed death. Perhaps I should have died. I had no reason to continue breathing in this world. All that I loved, all that I was had died. Died. My curious anger fell away immediately into despair and anguish. Volil. Hot tears filled my eyes again. “Vol…” was all I could croak out. My dear, sweet Volil. The woman saw the emotion wash me over, drowning me, and she sighed again. “I’m sorry. I am truly very sorry. I can’t imagine that kind of loss, losing your husband like that.” She said, and I could hear her tone was genuine. No doubt in my mind about that. My husband. I didn’t want to correct her, I wanted it to be that way. 

A few more days went by, I was set loose from the binding on my wrist but I was still too weak to move much. The woman, who I learned her name was Lydia, helped me daily into a bath of herbal water, helped me walk a few short paces, brought me food and drink, and kept me company between other things. She even had brought me a selection of odd books from time to time. Something to help me pass the time. Eventually my grief would wrap itself around me again, taking a strong hold. She would consistently remind me that it was ok to feel this, but I would continue to live on in his memory. I supposed she was right, but in those times – I didn’t. 

One day the man actually decided to speak to me. I supposed it was his house, and I hadn’t heard him in the many days since I woke up. It seemed he had to travel away for a while, but then returned one evening. Lydia spoke to him outside for a time. I could hear their voiced, but not make out what they were discussing. When they came back in, it was he that came into the bedroom. He was a very large, powerfully muscled man. There were smudges of something on his face, and I could smell his sweat. He pulled a chair up to the side of the bed. “Glad to see you’re finally awake.” He then smirked. “Lydia tells me you’re improving?” I just nodded. Why did this man scare me? “Good. Good. I’m glad to hear it.” He looked around the room, and that’s when I realized he was out of his element. “Have enough blankets? Warm enough?” He got up to stoke a small fire, added another log. “It gets cold at night.” He continued arranging the fire then turned back towards me. “Do you speak?” he asked. 

I cleared my throat. “Yes. Yes, I do.” I could see the relief washed over him from hearing my voice. 

“Good! I was worried.” He said then shrugged. “What is your name?” he asked, going back to the chair again. 

For a moment I had thought of lying. I could essentially pull any name out of the thin air, and no one would even know. Except me. I decided to just keep it simple. “Lili. My name is Lili.”

“Ah, like the flower?” he said, leaning forward. I smiled and nodded as best I could. “Good, Lili. I have some questions for you.” His tone became serious as he reached down near the chair, and I followed his movement. It was my bag! He pulled out a long black robe, then held it up. “Explain to me, Lili, why do you have this?”

I felt panic rising in me. I had completely forgotten that I’d shoved it to the bottom, forgotten there the whole time we had traveled from Markarth. This whole time it had been stuck at the bottom. I felt a lump rise up in my throat, as I once again thought of my travel with Volil, and what we did. “I was a Justicar. I…” I swallowed again, feeling my mouth go dry while my eyes welled up. How is that even possible? 

The man nodded, laying the black clothing across his lap. “I see. You were…” He leaned forward again and I couldn’t tear my eyes away. “But you aren’t now?”

“No. Not anymore.” I said softly, my voice barely cracking a whisper. “We left.” I thought for a moment, and decided if I were to go forward with anything, I had to be honest. “We killed two Thalmor guards on the way from Old Hroldan to Rorikstead. We stayed in Rorikstead about a couple of months, when they came hunting for us again.” I cleared my throat, taking a deep breath. “I can’t found out. They will hunt me until I’m dead. If they know you are concealing me, they will hunt you and your wife down too.” My voice gathering some of its strength. 

He nodded thoughtfully then looked back up at me. “Okay. My name is Daniel Kade. You are welcome in my home for as long as you need. I’ve asked Lydia to get the alchemist from the city to come have a look at your wounds again. She can be trusted, but nothing about your part, or your past, in the Thalmor is ever to be mentioned outside of these doors. Her name is Arcadia, and she’s very good friends with the court wizard here, Farengar.” He moved like he was about to stand, but then chuckled. “Oh, and Lydia is not my wife. She is my housecarl. She’s a very good….” He stood, seemingly to leave. “A very good friend.” He continued then finally left the room. Daniel. Ok, then. I reached for the cup of water Lydia left on the bedside table. I suddenly felt exhausted, so I nestled myself back down into the cover of furs. 

The next morning I was sitting up by myself, and decided I needed to get out of this bed more. I could see that most of the burns on my skin were healing up very well. I wanted to get myself into the tub, wash way more of the salve so I could get a better assessment for myself. My legs wobbled, but I managed to side step and grasp a staff to use to help my balance. At the opposite end of the room was a large bath, even had seating for more than a couple of people, which had my mind reminiscing about bathing in Markarth. My heart became heavy once more. I tore the thin gown off my body, as it was the only thing I wore, then sunk myself into the tub. Maybe I should drown today. I sighed. No. I won’t drown. I sat up on one of the seats beneath the water, feeling the warm water soothing me, I leaned my head back against the stones, letting my legs float out before me. 

I don’t know how many minutes I soaked there like that, just letting my mind go, feeling the warm water, drifting off and on again. I heard footsteps approaching, and women’s voices. I remembered Daniel saying Lydia was bringing the alchemist here to check on me. I used a soapy cloth to gently clean at the wounds I could see before they could enter the room. 

“Ah, you’re up, and I see you made it to the bath! Good for you!” Lydia cheered. Another dark haired woman came up from behind her. “This is Arcadia. She came to assist when you first arrived.” Lydia gestured then brought me a fresh robe from a closet. “Here, so you won’t catch cold.” She also handed me a larger thick cloth to dry with. Arcadia sat on the end of the bed. “Daniel told me you said your name is Lili. That is such a pretty name!” she continued cheerfully. “Do you need any help getting out?” she asked. 

I was feeling sluggish after all the warm water soaking, so I nodded ‘yes’. Lydia helped pull me to my feet, helped drying most of my body then pulled the robe over me, then brought me over to the chair. “Thank you. I had to get out of that bed.” I said, then watched her become a whirlwind with fetching me fresh water, and a plate of berries. 

“How are you feeling now, dear?” Arcadia finally asked. “Is there still a lot of pain?” she came over to my feet, pulling my legs out of the robe to view some of the wounds that were healing there. The rest of the exam and questions were what you expected out of someone who was a physician, but I didn’t bother to ask her of her qualifications. She seemed quite knowledgeable, and I seemed to be mending just fine. Once she finished her once over, she left a few small vials and a bundle of mixed herbs. The vials were if I experienced any severe pain episodes and the herbs were to be crushed in a mortar and then mixed with troll fat as a poultice to apply to any parts that become inflamed from additional movement. Made sense to me. I thanked her, and then I saw Lydia drop a small pouch of coins into her hands before she left. Then I hung my head. I had nothing left, not even gold. I wobbled back over to the bed, laid down and buried my face to cry all over again. The pain I felt couldn’t be soothed. 

A couple more weeks came and went. Most of the days, I was getting around better on my own, the wounds now almost merely scars. I tried to learn some basic cooking skills from Lydia. Sometimes I got it, sometimes I completely failed. In either case, Daniel ate it up without complaint. He left for another long trip, returning again in the middle of the night. I heard him stomping around outside the bedroom door, and then I heard Lydia’s voice. 

“She is doing fine. There is no reason why she’s still in that room. None.” He growled. 

Lydia tried to shush him. “She can hear you. Now calm down! She’s still mourning her husband. What a horrible way to lose someone you love, that much. Dragon fire? Horrible!” 

“He died when the damn beast grabbed him up and then dropped him. The fire just finished him off.” Daniel grumbled back. “How long does it take to mourn?”

I heard a slap, then Lydia. “Stop it. Just because you never lost anyone that close to you doesn’t mean you can tell someone how long they can mourn. Let it go, Daniel. Just a little more time.”

Daniel snorted. “Fine. You win. Again. For now.” Then I heard the door open and close. Moments later, I heard Lydia’s footsteps coming towards the room. So he left. 

She slowly entered, poking her head from around the room’s door. “You awake?” she asked softly. I tried to pretend to be asleep, but my ears gave me away by twitching towards her direction. “Sorry about that. He’s just…. Moody. His last ‘job’ didn’t go so well.” 

Now I was curious. I’ve seen his armor before, and I knew it was not cheap. I’d seen that every single piece of jewelry, along with this expensive armor, was completed with a coating of magic enchantments. Probably more than a couple of them, multiple enchantments. That was no easy feat for anyone, even the most experienced. I’d also caught a glimpse or two of some of his weaponry. Again, expensive and glittering with enchantment. Who was this guy and what exactly did he do? 

I nodded but before she could slip way, I called out to her. “Lydia, what exactly does Daniel do? Is it secret, dangerous?” I hated being so blunt, but this was how I was going to be now. Forward. 

Lydia stepped back into the room, a smile spread across her face. “Oh, you didn’t know?” I shook my head. “Daniel is the Dragonborn.”


	9. Chapter 9

I was never one to believe in some destiny written by The Divines, or mapped out in the stars. Can a person’s life really be so predetermined? My head felt heavy, and I felt like the ground beneath my feet had shifted in some way. It was one thing to be raised with every moment being told how to act, what tasks to be performed, how to perform them and following schedules, it’s another to have one’s entire life directed to this single moment. It seemed my initial objective, locate and identify this Dragonborn, was still on point by some Divine power. Could it have simply been a coincidence? I was starting to question my own sanity. 

“Are you okay?” Lydia asked, her brows bent in concern. “You just got really pale.” 

I felt my belly roll and with that a wave of nausea overcame me. The little food I had remaining in my stomach came spewing out, all over the bed cover. In my own shock, I sat up too fast and my vision began to fade. “Ohh!” Another bout of nausea surged again and then my world went dark again. 

This seems to becoming a theme with me. Everything is fine, then some miserable event and I and unconscious. I was not happy with this situation. I came awake in an irritable mood. Thankfully the nausea was now gone and I was happy a cup of water was still by the bedside. My stomach growled to be fed again, and I felt a need to use the small outhouse positioned not far outside. I wasn’t going in a bucket anymore. No. It was definitely time I got back on my feet. My priority to get strong again, get well and get away from this house was first on my agenda now. If he was who Lydia said he was, and with who I am (or was), this wasn’t a good place for me to stay. 

I pulled on a soft pair of leather shoes then quietly made my way outside. It was evening, the sun was starting to drop behind the mountains beyond. I had no need for a torch or any light. I did what was necessary then returned inside, pausing at the door long enough to survey the main room of this modest house. The lay out was quite simple, really. On this end was a large table, beyond a cooking fire. Shelves of dishes and cookware on one wall with larders for food on the opposite. Further beyond was a small sitting area, with a bookshelf on one wall and a simple weapons rack opposing that. Another exit door directly opposite this one. There were stairs that went up, and stairs that went down. Of all the time I’ve spent here so far, I’ve never been much beyond where I’ve just walked. The cooking fire drew my attention and I saw a pot steaming over it. My stomach grumbled again. 

I picked up a wood bowl then dipped out some of whatever was in the pot into the bowl. The dark broth made my mouth water as I took a seat at the table, then grabbed a piece of bread from the center piece. I ate slowly, chewing thoughtfully, letting my mind wonder, trying not to let my tears fall again as memories of Volil started to fill me again. At some point I just sat blankly, staring into the past, beyond the flickering flame of a candle. 

Heavy boots coming up the stairs startled me and I wanted to hide. When did he get back? I didn’t even see him enter. My heart started to race as I saw the large figure do the same – getting bowl, filling it, sitting down and taking up a larger part of bread. He scooped two large spoonful of the soup into his mouth, took a generous bite of the bread, chewed, swallowed then finally acknowledge my presence. 

“Lydia makes a good stew.” He said simply. I was little shocked by this simple statement, then thought perhaps I should finish what I had in my bowl. I wouldn’t want this person thinking me ungrateful or wasteful. “Do you cook?” 

I chewed slowly, thinking. “I’m not extremely practiced, but I can cook a little.” Again, the flashes of the meals I made and ate with Volil in that small space we shared. Even if it was burnt to a crisp, he never said a thing. I once had roasted a whole chicken, served it only to discover that I’d only managed to crisp the outside. The inside was full of blood. A smile tugged at my lips as this memory flickered through my mind. 

“Well, practice helps.” He said then continued to eat. “I can’t cook vegetables.”

I felt a bubble of a laugh come up, “Really? Vegetables?”

I could see his face begin to brighten with a small smile. “Yes. I do prefer my vegetables cooked, but I tend to turn them into a mush. I just never got the knack of cooking vegetables. Or bread. Or anything that wasn’t an animal.” He picked up his bowl then practically drank down the remainder of his meal. Chewing a bit, he continued. “Meats are a different sort. I know meat.”

I found myself feeling better about being around him. The mood seemed to shift, lighter. More friendly. “I can’t cook meat. Vegetables, I can cook in so many different ways. Do you just not like vegetables? What about fruits?”

Daniel stood, went over to a cabinet where he pulled out two bottles of ale. I shook my head when I gestured towards me. The very thought made my stomach roll again. I would stick to just drinking the water for now. Perhaps I just ate something wrong. “I like vegetables, and fruit. You can’t cook fruit. Not really. I’m fine with either raw.”

I actually let myself laugh a little. Such simple statements. It was delightful! “Fruit can be cooked. They can be made into tartes, pies, pastries…” 

“Alright, you have me there. I am a sucker for a good tarte.” He said with a wink from across the table. 

On and on we chatted like this about food, of all things, until I’d yawned one too many times and I could see his eyes were very heavily hooded. I thanked him once again for everything then retired into the one bedroom that was on this main floor. I listened as eventually I heard his heavy steps went up the stairs. 

The next morning my stomach was in knots all over again. This time I was able to dodge myself outside then let it loose behind the outhouse. I returned inside again, drank down two cups of water then nipped on an apple mostly to get the taste out of my mouth. Lydia had come down at this time, Daniel trailing behind. Not married, huh? What room or rooms were up there? Did they share a bed? Or were they really strictly platonic? Shaking my head of these thoughts, because I had no right to even be thinking of their relationship, not like that, I wiped my face with a small wet cloth then pinched my cheeks to add back some color. 

Today, I had to start my new life. Today. Today I will do house chores. Today I will make myself useful. It all starts right now, today. 

At first, I didn’t push myself so hard. I tried, but found I became weak and exhausted rather quickly. However, in time I was doing much on my own inside the house and outside, tending the garden, cleaning and taking cooking lessons from Lydia and at times from Daniel. He was a master of meats! He knew precisely how much flame, using herbs and catching the juices that dripped to baste it. I’d even had my first taste of dragonmeat. It was not as tough as I imagined it would be. I also had taken a tour of the rooms upstairs. There were two rooms, each one with four single beds, and a small reading, study area. Not that it mattered but it was plainly obvious Lydia and Daniel did actually sleep in separate rooms. Lydia had some fresh flowers in a vase in one room, while in another I could see mud caked boots kicked to the side. 

One evening just before I retired for bed, Daniel stopped me just before I pulled up the covers. “I’m sorry to do this, but you can’t stay here.” He said, hands on his hips, his face showing no emotions. My breath caught in my throat and I couldn’t move. Just frozen there. Hoping that he was perhaps joking. “You need to gather your things here now.” He said sternly then left the room. 

My jaw became unhinged. I thought I was doing so well! I thought I was doing my part! How can he just throw me out now? In the late night? I didn’t know to be sorry for myself, angry to just throw myself into a pit of fire. I jumped up, quickly pulling together my meager belongings, shoving them into the bag I’d brought with me when I arrived here. I know the shoes were given to me from Lydia, but they were the only thing that I took that wasn’t mine to begin with. I even pulled on the tattered dress I was wearing when Daniel found me. I would leave as I came! By now I was running on anger, rage. My pulse pounded. 

“Where are you going?” Lydia asked seeing me storm towards the exit door. She jumped coming towards me. 

“I’ve been informed that I can no longer stay here.” I said firmly, using my old condescending tone that I knew from childhood. “I will not be a burden.” I then felt tears, hot and ready to spill again. 

Daniel’s boots stomped down the stairs, his voice roaring after me. “I didn’t tell you to leave this house!” he shouted, then cursed as his foot stumped into a chair leg. “I didn’t say you had to leave this house. I just want my damn room back!” 

Lydia froze, looked at him then me. About the time I could see her expression change, I got it. “I’m such an idiot.” I mumbled. My shoulders dropped, subsequently dropping my bag to the floor. “When you said I had to leave, you should have made it more specific. I didn’t know that was your room.” I let myself drop into one of the chairs. “I cannot believe I didn’t even see that. Of course that is your room.” 

Lydia picked up my dropped bag. “Come on. Let’s get you settled in upstairs.” She was stifling a laugh as she led me up. “Daniel doesn’t mind if we use his room, especially for the bath.” She seemed to cut herself off from something else, but then continued as she brought me into the room she used. “We can share this space. If you would rather be lone, that isn’t a problem. But, I think you’ll prefer it here. Sometimes his other friends come and stay for a time, those guys stink.” She giggled. “So I let them have that other room. I like this one better too, it gets the morning sun.”

The days from there went by and I fell into a routine, but it wasn’t like a routine as I grew up with. There was no rigid schedule, no precise sameness as before. It was much like the short time I had with Volil in Rorikstead. At some point Lydia had to accompany Daniel on a job, leaving me alone for a couple of nights. They advised it best that I remained in doors much of the time, but I did pick a few wild herbs from the hill beyond the property in some early morning hours. I made two attempts at making a wild berry tarte, but it was on my third attempt that I believed I had it somewhat right. I wrapped it in light cloth and placed it in the cabinet. They arrived later in the afternoon along with two other men and devoured nearly the entire thing. Lydia had a deep gash to her arm which I helped her clean in Daniel’s room. Once everyone had eaten, the men retired leaving me and Lydia. I told her to go to bed. I cleaned up and finally felt satisfied. Not just satisfied. I was finding contentment. 

Again in the morning I woke far too early, so I again went collecting wild herbs. The sun rose higher in the sky, and then I realized I was further away than I thought. I stumbled on a root as I hurried myself back towards the house. My head suddenly felt like it would roll off, my legs lost strength and I found myself falling down the hill. One of the men who’d come out to use the latrine spotted my fall. I saw him coming towards me as I blacked out once more. And once more when I awoke, a wave of nausea swept over me and I lost my stomach again. 

With pressure from Lydia, Daniel agreed to get Arcadia to come out again. I really wasn’t sure what good that would do, she was a very talented alchemist – I give her that – but she was not a physician. I wasn’t feeling any effect of poison, and my wounds had long since healed. Whatever the reason for my episodes, I didn’t think she could fix it. But, I allowed her to look over my body once more, pressing on various parts, asking me over and over “How’s that?” Finally she let me dress then sat in the main room. 

“Well?” I said joining her, Lydia sitting across from her. “What do you think it is?” I asked. 

“it’s not a disease. But I do believe you have a condition.” She said, her lips pressed tight as she turned to Lydia. “Where is Daniel?”

Lydia shook her head, “Not sure what he would have to do…”

“How do I ask this without sounding crass….” She mumbled, then before she could continue Daniel entered the house. Arcadia took a deep breath. “Lili is with child.” 

Those words put out like that so boldly nearly put me on the floor again. “Pregnant?” I whispered and my mouth and throat were so dry, it was barely a croak. 

Lydia’s brows raised and Daniel froze for a moment where he stood. “Yes,” Arcadia continued. “It’s still very early on, but that is the only thing that would make sense. Now, I’m not sure what the gestation time is for High Elves, so I can’t say how long.” She let her eyes slide over to Daniel, measuring his reaction. 

Lydia caught this before I noticed the insinuation. “Not him. That we are absolutely certain.” She then turned towards me, and I could see something else in her eyes. “It seems your husband left you a gift.”

Now, I had never been one to cry continuously, but I seemed to be doing a lot of that since I came here. Since I lost Volil. The tears flowed heavy and hot down my face now. Lydia hugged me and I know I pulled her tight. It felt good to feel someone embracing me this way and she hugged harder. “There, there. You’ll be okay. Everything will be fine.” She soothed, until I could breathe again. “You’re going to be a mother! That’s exciting!” she said with a big smile, then hugged me quick again. 

Daniel didn’t stomp over for once, but also pulled me up into his massively muscled arms, hugging me quickly. “Congratulations!” Did I see his lids get wet? “You will have nothing to worry about. Not here.” He said then put me down again. 

Pregnant. Of course! I remembered back when we left Old Hroldan, how I had that one small bottle from Eydis, but I never used it. For all that time since then, I hadn’t even thought of conception. Not once. Not that I didn’t believe we could conceive, I just didn’t think it would have happened so soon, so fast. As I thought on it, not once in all my education were we ever informed about Elven conception, gestation, or any of that. Only the basics, how conception happens and how to prevent it. 

Lydia and Daniel thanked Arcadia and then I found myself sandwiched between them in an embrace. Lydia seemed to be truly happy and excited, Daniel already talking about having to get a crib and possibly lending me his room all over again. This time my tears were joyful, and my heart grew again.

**Author's Note:**

> I have/will try to stick to lore as much as possible, but please forgive me if I use an incorrect term here and there. I've gained a new fascination for the Altmer, and for the most part about the Aldmeri Dominion/Thalmor and I'm learning as I go, as many before me.


End file.
